I’m going to be honest. I was that bitch that would say to myself “I’m an independent woman!” Yet, deep down, I was screaming “Somebody love me!” I bet I was oozing desperation without even realizing it. Probably like a hybrid of someone from Love Island and a chick from The Bachelor who’s biological clock was ticking.
I considered myself to be a confident person, but the fact that I wasn’t able to find that love people talk about in fairy tales would sometimes keep me up at night. I would wonder how someone could be so fucking awesome, and make so many great connections with guys, but still nothing would reach my expectations.
Only recently have I genuinely been at peace with never having found that love I so desperately was searching for. I’m beyond content with the connections I’m making, without having a desire turn my dates into interviews, to see if they have what it takes to wife me up. I’m living my best life, and used to think the only way that could happen is if that special someone was there to share my life with me. To be honest, it’s kind of nice to be able to meet up with a guy for 12-24 hours, and then send them away. It’s like looking after someone’s dog for the day, loving every minute of it, knowing you don’t have to pick up their shit at 6AM the next morning.
After some introspection, I’ve discovered some possible reasons as to why I’ve had some shifts in my perspective in regards to being single. The more I validate and acknowledge my worth, the less validation I need from others. I’m a lovable person, and just because I haven’t found that special someone to love me doesn’t make me less lovable or worthy of love. The older I get, the less shits I give about absolutely everything. Don’t like me? Tragic on your end. You don’t know a good thing when you see it. I’m more authentic when I communicate with people and I’m not as concerned about rejection or what they’ll think of me.
I’m also exploring my sensuality more than ever, and giving a safe space for others to do the same. 92.7% of the dudes I’m meeting, I genuinely connect with, and like spending time together. We have a fucking blast. Literally and figuratively. Sorry, I couldn’t resist that joke.
It’s like another part of my mind has opened up to see that there is a way to create a life of happiness with the same environment and relationship status that once didn’t satisfy me. When you see the good, more good keeps coming.
I’m no longer looking for love because I am love. Sure, I’d love to be in a relationship, but it will find me when the time is right. As for now, I need to get ready for a date with a hot Italian guy. Until next time.