I made an oopsie. I was browsing through my pictures just a moment ago, and I came across an old “progress” photo of myself. What happened next was not an excellent choice to say the least. I clicked on that photo to take a closer look, knowing very well it would end up with me feeling as though I was that chick in the movie Shriek, when she went from a beautiful feminine looking goddess, to a large mucus green ogre.
“How was that only two years ago?! I was lookin’ so fine, and now I have enough rolls on me to feed a mormon family! Wtf happened!?” I thought to myself as I meticulously examined the photograph.
Once the initial after shock settled in, I took a moment to remember that time of my life. Even then, I wasn’t thin enough, or fit enough, to be content. In fact, the only time I ever had been happy with my body was the week prior to going into an eating disorder treatment center, and was depressed then because I knew I’d never be able to be that thin again after I left rehab.
Essentially, I’ve lived almost my entire life not being truly satisfied with my appearance. Yet, looking back, I wish I was that miserable person in the photograph. Unless we learn self love and acceptance exactly how we are and where we are, these negative thoughts and opinions will be perpetual. We will always be chasing an unrealistic ideal of ourselves and our lives because thinking we’re not good enough in any way now, will only lead to more of those thoughts in the future.
It is my ultimate goal to love myself unconditionally like the goddess I am. Regardless of what I do, say, act like, look like, what I’m doing, where I am, I will learn to love every aspect of who I am because deep down, I know I’m worthy of it all, and so are you.