tips – Brooke Lyn Landon

Unfucking Myself

I think it’s safe to say we’re all a little fucked up. Thanks mom and dad. Ultimately though, we are the ones responsible for unfucking ourselves to become the person that our fucked-upness has inspired us to be.

On a scale of one to fucked, lately I’d say I’ve been at a “fuck”. That’s to say I like my life and have a lot of great things going on for me right now. I’m content, yet, there may have been more than a few times this week where I’ve done or felt something that made me think “Fuck.” Lately the fucks have been getting louder, but let me explain why nothing could be better than a good “FUCK!”

Sometimes, we choose to let things bother us for too long. We hold on even when the lesson or resistance that served its purpose has expired. Then the fucks get louder and louder until *BAM* you suddenly feel like a hangry Hulk.

When we forget how powerful we are, we fuck ourselves over by thinking sloppily and sitting in self pity. It creates negative momentum until the next thing you know, you’re looking like a hopeless romantic who’s single on valentines day. However, there’s so much beauty and opportunity in those times. Those fucks are essentially wake up calls. It’s an invitation to positively transform your life by using your focus to make beneficial changes in your thoughts and behaviors. It’s life’s way of telling you it’s time to get back into alignment. Sometimes, I’ll admit, I’m a little deaf, but once I tune in and listen, step aside because I’m going from a hangry Hulk to Wonder Woman.

Unfucking ourselves is even more satisfying than a good fuck because you don’t need to rely on anyone else. More importantly, the amount of self motivation and power conjured during the unfucking is more liberating and empowering than I can put into words. When life seems to be fucking you over, acknowledge that this is your wakeup call to unfuck yourself and create the life you’ve been wanting to live.

What Will I Do Once My Dream is Over

I have plenty of dreams, and one that I’ve had for the longest time is about to come true. In a few days I’ll be in Japan. If I got tattoos of things I’ve been obsessed with at some point in my life, I’d probably have a Hello Kitty tramp stamp, manga sleeve, all that Morning Glory store crap on my calves, a miso soup face tattoo, and throw in a couple geishas and Harajuku girls while I’m at it.

When I think about going to Japan now, I get so excited, but I also instantly picture that money emoji with wings flying away. I will try to make that forever tomorrow’s problem. What I am unnecessarily making today’s problem is finding out what to do once my dream is over.

Like I said, I have plenty of dreams, but when this one is over, I don’t have a plan of what step to take next. Im going back to a country where I have no home, or idea what will happen. The world is my oyster, and though that is a dream to many including myself, it’s an overwhelming amount of responsibility and choices. I trust that it will all unfold as it should, or as my friend’s tattoo says “It’ll probably be fine.” That said, it made me think about what more I can do to help me through the phase when a dream is over.

I’ve come to realize, the easiest way to move through this, is to get excited about the next phase, step, or event of my life. It could be acknowledging the tremendous growth this next chapter will bring, my next trip, or that dream that I get the feels just thinking about. As long as it’s not triggering in some way, focusing on another dream, event, or positive thought, will have me smiling because it happened rather than crying because it’s over.

However, focusing on a dream is not to say forget about where you are. This is not a day dream to take you to Neverland. If you feel like shit, acknowledge and process your feelings. Know that your mind is afraid but your heart knows what to do and will guide you if you let it. Then remember more is on its way.

This may be the end of one dream, but there are plenty more dreams to be fulfilled and that will come true. All that exists is the present and I know that sounds cliche as fuck but it’s the truth and you know it. In times like these, it’s when I need to focus and consciously do what I can to move forward with a positive mindset. I’d be lying if I said it would be a walk in the park, but I’ll be walking on sunshine if I make the effort.

I’m not saying this because I think I know it all or feel like you don’t know wtf you’re doing. I’m saying this because it helps be process my feelings and walk on sunshine. I also do this in the hopes you’ll be able to join me on my walk in the sun too.

My Shitty Day in Laos

I’m on day two of my boat trip to Luang Prabang, Laos, sitting on a two seater bench as stable as my friends last relationship. Of course, I’m next to an Italian man who’s hand gestures alone make me feel like I’m on a rocking horse. It’s a beautiful boat ride full of scenery that pictures could not do justice, yet here I am, after a silent meditation retreat nonetheless, being a little bitch about nearly everything. Heck, a little boy accidentally brushed up against me while I was trying to meditate and I sent him a death glare that would have made a bro from the Jersey Shore feel like he was going to Hell.

I could come up with a hundred contributions to my state of mind. 3 hours of sleep probably being the main source of my misery because everything was peachy on yesterday’s boat ride, but that’s besides the point. The point is even if nothing is your fault, whatever happens to you becomes entirely your responsibility. With whatever happens comes an unavoidable choice and responsibility you have to take on.

I can choose to continue to feel like shit, and that would be okay. Sometimes life’s shit and we just have to wait until the storm washes it away. That said, we also have the choice to open an umbrella and walk away from all the shit.

However, there’s a common misconception and belief that has been adopted by many, even me for some time. That it’s better to think only fluffy, sparkly, happy thoughts to feel better rather than being reflective. One is moving around the issue, and the latter is moving through it. One is repressive and one is expansive. There is no wrong choice, only a different result.

What did I want to do this morning when I looked in the mirror and instantly noticed the toll all of the fried rice and kao soi had taken? Think about how beautiful my curves are, how I’d want to be with someone who loves me for me anyways, and blah blah blah. Look, that’s great, and I certainly told myself those things, but not at first.

Why is my first reaction negative when I look in the mirror? Why am I putting so much importance on this temporary state of appearance? What belief is keeping this thought active? How is this serving me? From questions like these, I can choose how I will move forward with more clarity and awareness. By that point it becomes easier to see it’s all a bunch of bullshit anyways.

If I’m being honest, I feel better, but still shitty. I just want to sleep and press restart, but I asked myself questions so that I can take a step back from my thoughts and not be so identified with them. I’m no longer a victim. After a solid nap I bet I’ll be feeling like the cheery Italian man who’s oblivious to the distress he caused me.

Got Dumped? Congratulations!

When someone doesn’t get what they want, whether it’s the job of their dreams, acceptance to their top college, or a good date, it’s hard to know how to respond. That said, it can be even harder to hear what others have to say about it. The go-to “Aww, I’m sorry” is probably the last thing anyone wants to hear. I’ve envisioned myself sucker punching people in the nose who give me responses like that, and though I felt a sense of guilt for my internal imagery, it felt justified.

One day, I held my breath as I told my yoga instructor what I was going through, but her response is what really took my breath away.

“Congratulations,” she said without prying for any more information.

That response shifted my perspective on what we perceive as failure or disappointment. Boyfriend dumped you? Congratulations! You’re free from being tied to a boy who did not love you the way you deserve to be loved. Got fired? Congratulations! You’re moving forward toward a path more suited for you. Didn’t get accepted? Congratulations! You’re on your way to finding a better fit. Had a bad date? Congratulations! You are one step closer to meeting the one who’s right for you. You now know more of what you’re looking for, and you are clearer about what your standards are.

This is not some bogus hippy-dippy positive vibe shit to ignore the pain. These are changes that are moving us forward regardless of how it makes us feel. There is good and bad in every situation we find ourselves in, so why not congratulate the good it brings? I can congratulate myself and simultaneously feel like the offspring of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and Butterpuff from the Powerpuff Girls. Even when the pain is there, knowing that it is all worth celebrating gives me a sense of liberation—and an opportunity to claim my power. Continue reading Got Dumped? Congratulations!

The Void of a Vice

photo-1486572788966-cfd3df1f5b42 My therapist told me when I want to emotionally eat, I should journal instead, so here I am. In an ideal world, I’d be double fisting granola on the kitchen island with no consequences or ill intent to mask discomfort. This, however, is my world, where my relationship with food is about as damaged as my friend’s iphone. She nearly needs stitches when she swipes the screen.

It’s interesting to me how we ALL have our vices to deal with during this crazy thing called life, yet some go unnoticed as an escape or way to avoid feelings. Overindulge in food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol, or sex, and it’s “You need help. You have a problem.”

Yet overindulging in television, social media, exercise, shopping, and caffeine, and it’s “You gotta do what you gotta do. It’s the 21st century.”

Sometimes, it’s even considered a form of self-care, when it’s anything but that. More often than not, it’s a way to escape feelings that are dying to be addressed and processed. Instead of becoming aware of our emotions and processing them in healthy ways, people go to processed foods or go through the process of picking the next Instagram-worthy photo.

The first step to avoid our vices is having the awareness that multiple times every day, we are using them to avoid something deeper. If we take a moment to pause each time we impulsively reach for our phone to scroll through Facebook, or call a friend because we’re “bored”, we may be surprised what comes up.

One day I opened the fridge to chow down on some carrots and paused.

“What am I really hungry for?” I asked myself when I took a moment to reflect and acknowledge I was acting impulsively and wasn’t hungry.

I closed the fridge and started to cry. “What the actual fuck?” I thought to myself in disbelief.

I became aware that my boredom and loneliness resulted in needing a vice before my consciousness could acknowledge my emotions. Feelings of abandonment and sadness surged over me. I felt like such a little bitch because essentially I started crying over carrots, but it was so therapeutic and enlightening.

Just because I have a vice does not mean something is wrong with me, and the same goes for you. Awareness gives you an opportunity to reclaim your power that is always available to you but easily forgotten. Be more aware when you act impulsively or reach for your vice. Pause, reflect, acknowledge, and claim your power.

Ultimately, the goal is being okay being alone with yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. It’s being there for yourself like you’d be there for a friend, without a vice. So here I am, claiming my power and being constructive about it. But damn, that granola still looks good.

The Stream to Success

photo-1545933165-945eb24d50a4 When we are not getting what we want, sometimes it feels like we are trying to get it by paddling upstream after a downpour. People can be so hyper focused on reaching success, that what they do becomes more important than how they feel. We are conditioned that we must fight tooth and nail, and if we do so relentlessly, our dreams will come true. But at what cost?

If we’re miserable the whole way there, I think it’s safe to say we won’t have very many happy campers with trophies in hand. Rather, we’d have people wishing the trophy was different, bigger, or better. That is because how we feel now is predominantly based on the culmination of what’s already happened, and how we’ve already been feeling. And yes, there is value in the struggle. We learn and grow there. But we can struggle and follow the flow, or struggle in stagnation.

A stream does not stop flowing when a big rock gets stuck to the bottom. The water flows around the rock and continues its journey downstream. Yet, there I was, like Moses, blocking the flow of my stream so I could try to remove the rock I had named “Single as a dollar bill.”

The rock that we think we want to get is better left untouched. Maybe we think we want that rock, but that rock is there to tell us to move forward in another direction, or have a new perspective. Maybe if we kept flowing, that rock would naturally loosen.

This is not to say give up. This is to say let go of the rock. If you flow in other ways, what you want unfolds naturally. When you’re anxious about not getting what you want, rather than trying to rip the rock out of the ground, find a way to flow downstream.

When Your Well Has Run Dry

pexels-photo-874730 Imagine a bird in the middle of the Masada desert, who can’t fly for shit. No water in sight. The well has run dry. What now?

Sometimes we’re that bird. We get stuck in a rut, and because of fears and insecurities, we stare at an empty well as our mouths turn to sand paper and our words turn to sawdust.

We fixate on the well that has run dry, instead of flying to a new one. We trap ourselves in the constructs of our limiting beliefs, and we don’t even try to fly.

Finally, we get the courage to fly, only to end up at another dry well. “God damnit, climate change.” We blame the outside world because we are blinded by our own patterns of self sabotage.

The reality is, we’re as free as a bird. A bird who knows it can soar beyond the mountains that stand between the dry desert and the crystal water. A bird who trusts in its ability to fly from the nest and into an environment where there’s an innate knowing they will thrive. A bird who sees every well as a beautiful detour rather than a desolate destination.

A well that has run dry is not proof that we’re not good enough, or that we’re out of luck. It’s a sign to move our wings and our point of focus.

What You Need to Know if You Want Someone to Like You More

photo-1488116438332-30c57aca5d9d Have you ever wanted someone to like you more? I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been there. It can make us insecure, overthink, worry, and question our self-worth. If we’re not careful, before we know it we’ll be coming across like Helga from Hey Arnold. For those of you who didn’t grow up watching Nickelodeon, trust me when I say you don’t want that. She has a plethora of psychiatric tendencies, a very strong libido, and is as obsessed with Arnold as the Grinch is about destroying Christmas.

I’ve accumulated a few takeaways from experiences such as this. First of all, I’ve come to realize that I would not put nearly as much thought into how they felt about me, or what to say to them, if they were super into me. When I want someone to like me more, it almost becomes a game in which the only way to win is to prove I’m worthy and good enough for them, even at the cost of them not being good for me. We want to knock on the door that’s closed, rather than walk through the dozens of open doors that surround us. Why? The thought of overcoming, persevering, and getting what we want, is a challenge we believe we want and need to take on. This is not Operation, and it’s time to stop playing games. The reality is love doesn’t need to be hard, and it shouldn’t be.

One day, I told my therapist I didn’t know if I still wanted to keep hanging out with a guy I had met two months prior. He wasn’t putting in much effort, and I was looking for someone who would put energy into creating a connection, regardless of the nature of the relationship. Fast forward a few weeks after that session, and I was studying the art of locksmithing. I was trying to get the key to open up the door to his heart that was shut tighter than the space between me and my pair of spanx that’s two sizes too small. I found myself wanting a guy to fall in love with me even though I myself didn’t love him back.

We can’t keep trying to weld a key that will open the door to their heart, using our blood, sweat, and tears, with the hopes we can change it. We deserve someone who is holding the door open, beckoning us in. Maybe one day their door will be open, but we weren’t born to stick around like an Italian-Jewish mother, waiting for her single 30-year-old daughter to have a baby. (I know that’s a total stereotype, but I can’t deny it paints a pretty good picture.) If it’s not easy, put down the welding stick, the icepick, or whatever you’re using to try to break down the barrier.

Moral of the story: Step away from closed doors. That’s not to say pretend they don’t exist. When we take a step back, we have a better perspective of what else is available to us. When we change our gaze and focus, we walk forward in a new direction that will lead us closer to doors that are available for us to explore fully. A door can always open one day, and we will always have the freedom to change any direction we so choose, but the time spent waiting, we’ll never get back.

3 Steps to Take a Leap of Faith

denny-luan-125448 There are times in our lives when we take a leap of faith and feel it all. Fear, anxiety, excitement, uncertainty, indecision, and joy rise simultaneously like the bubbles that cultivate while you’re pouring a glass of champaign. One of those times in my life is now. Taking leaps of faith is nothing new to me. I know these feelings lead to what I want. It’s winning or learning. I’ll take either one over being stagnant and complacent. So, what can we do to help us take that leap of faith?

1. Trust your internal compass

Before you roll your eyes and think this is just another generic yogi/preachy/airy-fairy post, read on. Using your logic is a great way to get through certain areas of your life. However, when you’re taking a leap of faith, you need to tap into your internal compass, and trust it. Some call it your gut or intuition, but we’re all born with an internal compass that is designed to guide us through life. Trust that you have all you need to guide you to what you want to do.

I came out to California by myself three years ago. I had no job, no idea where I’d live, and no idea what I’d do. All I had was trust that there was a reason I felt pulled in that direction. I knew as long as I followed that internal compass I called curiosity, I’d find my way. Though the beginning was as smooth as the face of a teenager going through puberty, I eventually found all that I was looking for, and then some.

2. Acknowledge the gremlin

The “gremlin,” or the “annoying roommate,” is the voice in your head that feeds you excuses, doubt, and excessive anxiety. Some internal voices expressing concerns is valid. That being said, more often than not, it’s the gremlin trying to keep you from doing something that will require you to change and have potential discomfort. Sometimes, the gremlin comes in the form of other people too. They’ll tell you their opinions that stem from their limiting beliefs. When two gremlins get together, it turns into a party where everyone wishes they’d stayed home with their cats with a tub of ice-cream instead. Don’t join their party. Throw a better one. No gremlins allowed.

My gremlin has many voices, one of which sounds like an old chainsmoker from Long Island who has recently been saying to me: “How the hell you gunna go backpacking through Asia by yourself with a one way ticket? You on crack? You think you got balls or somethin’? You’re not cut out for that. You should buy a cat and some ice-cream, get in your sweatpants, and stay here.”

Other times the voice sounds so much like me that I mistake it for my internal compass. “It’s wise to settle down and get your life together in the States. The longer you wait, the more behind you’ll be. You’ll get anxious that you’re putting your real life on hold. Plus, you could get hurt out there.”

It takes practice to acknowledge and befriend your gremlins. The more you become aware of them, and rise above the fear, the easier it will be for you to put down the ice cream and take action.

3. Take steps

You don’t have to see what’s at the top of the stairs before you take the first step. Most people do wait, which keeps them on the same step, and unable to move forward to reach the top. You don’t have to fly up the stairs like Quicksilver. Little baby steps will do too, so long as you’re moving.

Do I know what the hell is going to happen once I get to Asia? Do I see what the outcome will be? Do I know why I hear myself saying “Go!” You know as much as I do. Still, I’m packing my bags, selling my belongings, and putting in my 30-day notice for the apartment that it hurts to leave. I don’t see the top, but I’m taking steps to see what’s there for me.

Solo traveling through foreign countries I’ve never been, without a plan or timeline, has me feeling like a cat being held above a bathtub, by a child. However, I know the less I plan, and the more I let life take me through this journey, the more I’ll expand. We grow more that way because we are forced to use our internal compass for guidance, rather than our logical brain. We step out of our comfort zone, which makes our gremlins have tantrums for an excessive amount of time that we then have to find ways to cope with. We come to realize life unfolds beautifully in retrospect, so when chaos arises, we know it will work out in the end. Taking a leap of faith comes at a cost, but growth is priceless.

This is not to say go all willy-nilly and spend your life savings gambling because your “gut” told you to. If you feel your internal compass guiding you towards something that lights you up, don’t let your gremlin shut the light off. Walk toward it with curiosity, love, and the three tips to take a leap of faith.

5 Musts Before Going On a Road Trip

photo-1469854523086-cc02fe5d8800 Five states, 10 national parks, tons of car singalongs, and a lot of takeaways from the experience that I’m ready to give out. I could probably write a list of tips longer than a CVS receipt, but for time’s sake, I’ll give you five.

1. If you’re going with a travel buddy, have “The Talk”

I’m not talking about the kind of awkward talk you might have had with your parents as a preteen. I mean the travel talk. Set aside some time to go over your preferred way of communication. Talk about what could potentially get you stressed while traveling, and the best way your travel buddy can respond. Express pet peeves, potential triggers, etc.

Not only is it helpful, but it keeps you mindful and makes for a better companion and experience. It may also make you understand why the week prior, you got a mildly furious death glare for eating a bag of peanut butter pretzels. Apparently hearing someone chew can be someone’s biggest pet peeve, and they won’t choose to let you know until you ask them.

2. Budget and round up

Between eating out, spontaneous detours or activities, or staying at nicer hotels than you planned, you can’t be 100% accurate on what you’ll be spending. Therefore, I suggest budgeting beforehand, and rounding up. You think you’ll spend $300 on food during your trip? Round that shit up to $450. That’s not to say you can now blindly buy a gourmet, gold encrusted, four course meal at a 5-star restaurant every other day. Intend to spend $300, but have that extra cushion to keep you at ease when changes come.

3. Get THE RIGHT gear, and no matter when or where you go, bring a bathing suit.

It’s not about getting the items you want. It’s about getting the appropriate gear. Unbeknownst to me, I brought a summer sleeping bag on a trip with temperatures that would drop lower than my self-esteem when trying to pitch a tent. It wasn’t until I complained I was cold, and my friend felt my tracing-paper-thin sleeping bag, that I realized how ignorant I was in regards to anything wilderness related. Just because you have what you want, doesn’t mean you’ve got what you need. Also, even if you can’t foresee a single reason you’d need a bathing suit, bring it anyway. Trust me.

4. Have backup food with you

Have some food in your bag just incase. Protein bars are your friends. You never know what will be around, or if you’ll stay somewhere longer than expected. The last thing any human wants to deal with is someone else’s hangry ass. Do yourself and your neighbors a favor. Whether its a bag of nuts, or a bar, so help me god, take it with you.

5. Be open to plans B through Z

Be open to spontaneity. I find that the less that is booked and set in stone during a trip, the more you are able to be open to all sorts of new ideas and opportunities. You meet strangers who rave about a place you haven’t heard of, and because you’re schedule is flexible, you can now experience a part of the world you never would have been able to otherwise. Avoid getting too set on plan A. Let life take you on the journey.

So, ta da! There you have it, five musts. Needless to say, these are only some tips that can help you down the road(trip). Tell me some of your musts in the comments below!