spiritual – Brooke Lyn Landon

Six Days of Silence: Journal Entries From My Silent Meditation Retreat

A06FE6BC-3B5F-4617-B8AA-051C0B97DDFF 7/28/19

What does someone want to get from attending a silent meditation retreat at a monastery in Northern Thailand? It varies. Some may simply want to find stillness and peace, and others go with the intention to find themselves. Who knows, maybe the dude with a giant man bun made of dreads infront of me wants to levitate back home in a state of enlightenment.
I’m doing this to put myself out of my comfort zone because that’s where change happens. I go to grow. I don’t want to have expectations or a desired outcome. I want to see what the experience will bring me. Granted, if I were to have chosen a desired outcome, I probably would have wanted to leave turning water into wine, so I’d just be setting myself up for disappointment.
The highlight of my first day at the monastery was opening my eyes after a lying down meditation practice, only to realize I had fallen asleep. By that point, everyone else was sitting up, listening attentively to a monk sitting on the stage infront of a giant golden buddah statue. I made eye contact with a woman next to me who was clearly amused by my state of shock. I couldn’t blame her. I was too. Still, I internally judged her for not waking me up.
Now it’s day two. Considering the fact I talk like an auctioneer and eat like an elephant, the whole shutting up and fasting thing is going much better than expected. Almost too good. Maybe I’ll start to go insane tomorrow. That’s what most people had been telling me would happen at some point. That said, every experience is unique, and only time will tell. Highlight of day two was appreciating the beauty during a walking meditation practice.
*3 hours later* I was upgraded to a single dorm suit. Is it too materialistic and un-zen of me for that to be the new highlight of my day?
7/31/19

It’s certainly not getting easier, but I’m up for the challenge. At least I’m not looking like the young man sitting to my left. I haven’t seen someone fidget around so much since I was at the LIB music festival, but they were happy and on drugs.
Breakdown of my unconscious thoughts today goes as followed.
86% unnecessary worry and overthinking (Like I think the fact that I didn’t buy a souvenir in Sweden isn’t going to kill me, but the heart palpitations I get thinking about it during my meditation practice say otherwise)
12% comparing and judging myself (There’s no doubt all this pad thai has been taking a toll though)
2% other (probably food related)
Fun stuff.

8/2/19

As my time at the Wat Pa Tam Wua Forest Monastery comes to an end, I think it’s safe to say I won’t be walking out of here turning water into wine. Instead I’ll be walking away with something even greater. Mindfulness and a deeper sense of self. WAIT ! Before you internally roll your eyes and think “Dis generic ass bitch serious right now? I could have guessed that.” Understand that I’m not spitting those words out to sound like every basic bitch that travels Asia and floods her instagram with her adventures (Yes, I do that too, so no judgement there. @mindartists)
It’s not the awareness like “I’m aware Im eating right now.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to not mindlessly shovel food in your face like the day before you decide to start a diet. The mindfulness I speak of goes deeper.
It’s like getting a free Disney Fastpass to avoid the lines full of ungrateful grimy children and foreigners who have no sense of awareness or boundaries. You pass them instead of resentfully standing behind wondering what happened to your own morals and patience. You detach yourself from what you once identified so closely with, giving you a sense of liberation and peace. There’s certainly more on this topic, so stay tuned for a future blog post. For now, I’m signing out.

Best wishes always,
Your slightly more enlightened friend,
Brooke Lyn

It Doesn’t Matter Where You Are

I’m mid temple tour in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I’m surrounded by some of the most stunning and sacred temples in Northern Thailand, but the only place I want to be is back in Indonesia. I asked myself why I’m not stimulated by such beauty and found some answers shortly after observing my surroundings.

When I look to my left I see an elderly Asian couple from my group. They take an absurd amount of selfies, but who am I to judge. To my right is a squad of Spanish teenagers that look like they all went way too hard the night before. Behind me stands a couple who speak as though they only know how to talk about Voldemort, so they say nothing at all.

If I was with any of the people I befriended in Indonesia, I’d be laughing my ass off right now. Even if I was merely in the vicinity of them, I’d feel joy. So it’s not about where I am, it’s who I’m with.

We are co-creators. Life is meant to be shared. I used to cringe when I heard that saying because it reminded me about how I’m single as a dollar bill over here, but you don’t have to shag to share an incredible bond and experience.

Wait, I know what you’re thinking. What about being alone? Shouldn’t you be happy anywhere so long as you love yourself? Yep, my thoughts exactly. Maybe I still have a ways to go. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been very happy with who I am and being on my own this trip. I went to the night market alone last night and enjoyed my time there.

Could it be that witnessing others sharing experiences has me aware of the power and beauty of co-creation, and the void of not having that now is more apparent? Perhaps the amplification of my independence and freedom scares me. Maybe it saddens me because I’d rather have someone to depend on and be free with.

It could be so many things, but one thing’s for sure. I trust that life will unfold beautifully and this is just a micro ebb in the flow of my travels. I’ve been in Chiang Mai for a little over 24 hours, so I’ve got to cut myself some slack for not having made a connection I’m really pumped about. Time to see what magic life brings me next.

When Your Well Has Run Dry

pexels-photo-874730 Imagine a bird in the middle of the Masada desert, who can’t fly for shit. No water in sight. The well has run dry. What now?

Sometimes we’re that bird. We get stuck in a rut, and because of fears and insecurities, we stare at an empty well as our mouths turn to sand paper and our words turn to sawdust.

We fixate on the well that has run dry, instead of flying to a new one. We trap ourselves in the constructs of our limiting beliefs, and we don’t even try to fly.

Finally, we get the courage to fly, only to end up at another dry well. “God damnit, climate change.” We blame the outside world because we are blinded by our own patterns of self sabotage.

The reality is, we’re as free as a bird. A bird who knows it can soar beyond the mountains that stand between the dry desert and the crystal water. A bird who trusts in its ability to fly from the nest and into an environment where there’s an innate knowing they will thrive. A bird who sees every well as a beautiful detour rather than a desolate destination.

A well that has run dry is not proof that we’re not good enough, or that we’re out of luck. It’s a sign to move our wings and our point of focus.

The Best $300 I’ve Ever Spent

pexels-photo-545065 I don’t care what anyone else has to say about the matter. Having a session with Rebecca Dawson, a medium, was the best $300 I’ve ever spent. Regardless of whether or not half of it was hocus pocus, though I don’t think it was, the hour long session was worth it. No candles, chants, or crystal balls, just an awesome authentic Australian chick, who channeled like she had been doing this since she popped out of the womb.

As a result, I feel more confident with where I am and where I’m going. I feel relief. I feel clarity. I learned things about myself that I wouldn’t have been able to know otherwise. I wouldn’t have been able to get answers and clarity if I spent $300 on hair extensions and that souvenir at the Grand Canyon that I just had to have.

Yes, we all have the answers within and blah dee blah, but getting in there to find the answers can be like trying to put on spanx, blindfolded, in heels. Not that I’ve experienced that scenario, but I’ll pass if I can help it.

Although I would highly recommend what I did, I’m not putting this out there to turn people into a metaphysics freak like myself, or convince someone that this is what they need. Quite frankly I enjoy writing, so I’d be doing this regardless. However, there is always a purpose to what I do, and a hope it will inspire and help someone in some way.

The moral of this post is to use your resources to enhance your soul, not your ego. It is to not fear taking chances or spending money if it is something that excites you and will enhance your wellbeing and quality of life. I feel like there should be one more sentence to sum this all up, but this post isn’t about perfection, so I’ll leave it at that.

Wait

I’m currently waiting for a train to head back to Santa Barbara, sitting on a cement ledge as thin as my patients because some girl is letting her backpack take up the seat next to her. I’m being a little bitch and not asking if I can sit there because it looks like she’s had better days. My butt is numb, the train is delayed, and I almost let this be a negative experience. Why? Because my expectations are not meeting my reality. Because my ass has felt better before. Because I’m not being present. Because I’m letting the outside circumstances dictate my feelings.

Instead I can choose to be productive or introspective, or pace around as I look up at the sky and marvel at the planets ability to give us another day after all the BS we put it through.

What if we made every moment of waiting valuable? What if instead of pulling out a phone, we appreciated the good in our lives, or struck up a conversation with a friendly stranger?

We collectively have agreed that waiting is an unfortunate predicament rather than an unexpected present from the universe. If we looked at waiting as an opportunity for growth rather than an inconvenience, many moments of our lives would be spared. I’m going to make the most of this hour and a half delay. Hopefully the next time you have to wait, you can make the most of it too.

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How to Live Your Dream Life

photo-1504194104404-433180773017 What’s your dream? Reads the prompt on the card in my writer’s group. I considered nonchalantly sliding the card back into the deck because it was a pretty loaded question, but I stuck with it, and the results are in.

Find true love, inspire the world through my words and my voice, have a thriving business, healthy body and mind, is that too much to ask? That’s only like 5 things, right? Too bad Santa’s a joke, or maybe I’d see if he could have hooked a sister up with God’s number or something. That dude has connections.

That being said, don’t we all have those connections? The last thing I want to go into is how we all have the answers within, because I nearly gag every time I see someone preach that. However, I kinda sorta maybe know that’s the truth.

“Let Go and Let God” Well either tell me how to fucking do that, or hand me a paper bag to throw up in. I’m being dramatic. It’s important to have dreams, but it’s more important to love what is. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Appreciate the journey. Don’t curse the mountains and roadblocks in your way, but thank them for the experience and extra workout trekking over those godforsaken things. What’s the point of getting a dream, if you’ll just end up miserable that it was so annoying to get there anyways? With a mindset like that, a dream will never fulfill you. It will only intensify the emptiness that you haven’t filled with your own happiness and self love. That happiness and self love only happens in the present moment. It’s not a future dream, but a moment in time. Right here. Right Now.

Now is where your dream life lies. Are you going to live your dream life now by accepting and loving what is, or dream about it coming another day?

Why Network Marketing is Pretty Legit

photo-1539343915366-4da26f7a1f2c “Network marketing? Isn’t that one of those pyramid schemes!?” I picture those words bellowing out of the mouth of a man wearing a wannabe hipster fedora, with a few too many chins, yet I was once thinking the same thing.

Yes, some network marketing companies have a bad rep for a good reason. News flash: People and places have bad reps for a good reason too, like everything else in this world. However, some people, places, and network marketing companies, are pretty freaking awesome. I’m going to go over a few reasons why people should stop getting their panties in a bunch whenever they hear “network marketing”, and why you may actually want to consider looking into it yourself.

1: Community and Support

As humans, we all crave community. We are all looking for support, love, and connection. If you think otherwise, perhaps you’re that guy wearing a wannabe hipster fedora with a lack of discipline. Anyways, some of the most supportive and genuinely caring people I know are/were involved in network marketing. The communities created in this field of work is beyond heartwarming.

I remember someone I knew, who’s skull was thicker than my thighs after the holidays, said “They’re only your friends because they make money when you do.”

“Ummm. False you ignorant twat.” I thought to myself as I bit my lip to prevent those words from escaping the safety of my mind.

Some did, but the majority of them did not. They were just awesomely supportive and loving individuals. To this day, I am still thrilled to know so many lives are being enriched by these loving network marketing communities.

2: Growth

Regardless of whether or not you’re bathing in a claw foot tub full of diamonds and hundred dollar bills from joining a network marketing company, you will grow as a person, and continue to grow. I’ve learned so much and gained a lot of skills that I still use. Not to mention your bank account can grow significantly as well.

3: Cash Money

If you put in the work, you’ll make some serious bank. Key words: Put in the work. If a dude is adding to his collection of chins by watching Dumb and Dumber while eating McDonald’s, he’s not going to be getting any closer to having the type of money to buy an endless supply of new hats and food that didn’t come straight out of a factory farm.

4: Freedom

Woo! Love that word. Freedom to be your own boss, work where you want, make your own hours, and live your life according to you. That’s the life network marketing creates for those who truly pursue that path. I’ve seen it done first hand.

Even if you’re just the consumer, you’re supporting an entrepreneur, rather than mindlessly clicking some random links online, but that’s besides the point.

Now, is this the path for everyone? Absolutely not! There is not one path that suits everyone. However, I would hate to see someone potentially not go down this path due to fear or ignorance, when it could change their lives for the better.

For the record, I would absolutely never recommend that one should join a network marketing company that promotes laxatives or insurance if they’re not into that shit (pun intend) However, if you’re into whatever they’re about, why not take a chance to grow?

We Do This Shit To Ourselves

photo-1527018609937-2ab6154b7197 Have you ever thought someone or something else was the cause of your pain and suffering? If you said no, you’re a supernatural freak and I want your number. If you’re a different kind of freak and said yes, you may be surprised to know that noone or nothing can be blamed for the state of your being other than you.

If you were karate kicked in the face by a grown man wearing Doc Martens, your pain is valid because that probably is going to leave a mark. Much suffering however, is created by your own thoughts, which can only be created by you. Most thoughts are about the past and future, which further proves my point that we often do this shit to ourselves.

For shits and giggles, I’ll give you a personal story as an example. For anonymity, I’ll call the guy I was seeing at the time Joseph Gordon Levitt (I wish). I had been talking to Joseph for months, consistently, every day. My rose colored glasses were on my head more securlely than a seatbelt on a rollercoaster ride. Lord knew, I was about to be on one.

One week, what was once a consistent stream of communication, was a sporadic sprinkle of content. I put myself through hell and back worrying about what I could have done, or what could have happened, to create the change in communication. Next thing you know, my naive inexperienced ass sent him a text out of concern and desperation to get answers and clarity. It wasn’t cringe worthy, but it certainly didn’t deserve an applause. The response and series of events that preceded, resulted in my mom referring to him as the devil because he acted about as mature as the boy in my first grade class who made chronic fart noises with his mouth.

It’s easy to point the finger at Joseph for my sadness because he acted like a douche, but really I did it to myself. My thoughts created the unnecessary worry and insecurity. Those thoughts were the catalyst for an unnecessary text. The text made me come across as needy, and insecure, which is the equivalent of me waving around a giant red flag right in front of Joseph’s face. I chose to let his immature ways make me sad, rather than learning from the situation and thinking “Boy bye. I need me a man. This is the stepping stone to something greater. Onwards and upwards.” It takes two to tango, and we need to own up when we step on someone’s toes.

If you point one finger forward, three are pointed back at you for a reason. You are the actor, director, and editor in the play called your life. To be able to make a 5 star romantic comedy, you have to take accountability for your feelings and the creations in your life. If you want a box office bomb, keep pointing your fingers at other things.

How New Year’s Eve Alone Made Me Realize My Wish For You In 2019 And Beyond

photo-1525373612132-b3e820b87cea My friend, who is as unreliable as a soaking wet paper bag, left me to fend for myself NYE. I was only given the news a few hours before we were supposed to meet up… yet again.

I know it’s how she is, and my other friends think I’m nuts for putting up with it, but I secretly don’t mind plans being cancelled. It’s an excuse to hide away in my humble abode like Rapunzel Before she realized it was kind of fucked up that she was stuck in there. It being NYE made it a harder pill to swallow, but I set out to make the best of if. That I did.

I adorned my quaint studio with flowers and candles. I thought about my bright future, and how this is just the beginning of a journey where I know the best has yet to come. When the clock struck 12:00 eastern standard time, (Lord knows if I have it my way I’m going to be asleep before 12:00PM) I was meditating on my bed. When my eyes opened to see if 2019 had come, I was welcomed with a text from my mother wishing me the best for the year to come. 23 minutes later, here I am writing. Doing what I’m passionate about, honing my skills, expressing myself openly and creatively.

The goal in a day like this is often to do something memorable enough to remember the following year. I’m not going to lie, it was a bit of a wish of mine, and hearing my neighbors roar like someone won the most epic game of Jenga doesn’t help. Will this day go down in my history book as one to reminisce? Negative. However, the better question is, will this day be considered one that nourished my soul? That it will.

The more we nourish our souls, the more we will have positive and memorable experiences to put in our history books. Often times the best moments are serendipitous anyways. Plus, the objective is to be in the moment, and content with what is. It’s not about trying to tally instagram worthy events.

This year, I wish for you and myself, peace with what is. I wish us acceptance of every situation handed to us, or thrown in our way. I wish us a love for life, the people we’re surrounded by, and most importantly, a love for ourselves.

The Rush Of The Butterfly

pexels-photo-219938 Have you ever looked at a Catapillar and thought “What the hell is taking you so long you maggot looking blob with legs? Why aren’t you flying?” I don’t think so. You understand there will be a transformation, and time needs to take place. Yet, oh so often we have these unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. We demand and assume things from us and people we know that make as much logical sense as a cocoon hatching a unicorn.

I’m so guilty of being dat bitch who is like “Law of attraction blah blah blah I can get whatever whenever if I try hard enough.” Before any fellow spiritual folks get riled up, I believe in the law of attraction and our ability to attract what we want based off of what we think and feel. However, it also can be detrimental because we don’t see the bigger picture. There is a larger party at work, and maybe a longer transformation needs to ensue to create that reality. Expecting it in a certain way and time frame can hold us in an unwanted pattern too.

I’m not writing this to be all high and mighty like I know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m that girl yelling at a freaking caterpillar that doesn’t even understand me. Deep down though, I know I need to stop trying to control this crazy simulation called life, and let the caterpillar enjoy its time on land.