The Housemate From Hell

73DB491A-A107-4B91-9BC6-08D5FA726539If you are an adult, please learn from my mistake. Never, under any circumstance, should you agree to live with a 20-year-old boy. Although I’m sure in his presence you will feel like a superior human being, it’s a pity to spend your time living with such an uninspiring energy vampire. On the exterior, he is an Asian Australian hipster. The interior is like a blonde bimbo, and that selfish, lazy ass cat, Garfield. Enough about that, let’s get into the story.

I get a message from my landlady the morning rent was due.
I want to ask you a bit. Your roommate left before your contract, do you want to stay?” (Direct quote)

Ummm whattt?! Most of his belongings were still in his room, so I messaged him if he was leaving, but I got no response all day.

Later that evening, I hear the door open and his stupid goofy voice shout “HELLO!” As he peaked his head into my room, he giggled nervously like a school boy going through puberty. (But I guess that’s not too far off from where he is to be fair)He rambled about how he’s leaving and after a moment of silence I say “Okay.” I assume he was expecting more of a response because he continued to repeat himself.

I walk over to his room about 10 minutes later to ask if he’s leaving the country, or moving in with his girlfriend. After he told me he’d be staying in Hanoi with his girlfriend, I figured it would be a good time to introduce the huge mother fucking elephant in the room named Don’t Be A Dickhead, Warn Someone You’re Living With That You’re Going To Leave.

I calmly responded “ Oh, cool. So, I hope if you’re ever in this situation again, you tell someone what you’re going to do because it isn’t fun for anybody to hear last minute.”

“Hold on, hold on.” He says as he stares at his phone and mindlessly scrolls through it.

This piece of shit had me standing right infront of him for a solid minute as he scrolls through his newsfeed ignoring my existence. I left in disgust, but assumed that at some point soon, he’d have to address the fact that he totally just ignored me. Not even a second after entering my room, he closed his door and started to play music. Mind you, we’ve never argued before, (I’m not implying that half assed conversation was an argument by any means) and him leaving the apartment before the lease ended was completely unexpected. Now, that was just the beginning of his childish behavior.

While I was out for a drink with a friend, I told him to leave the money that he owes me on the kitchen table because I knew he would be clearing out everything that evening. I get back home and all I see on the table is a leftover 6L jug of his water, that he clearly didn’t want to drag on his motorbike to his new apartment, and a half eaten box of cookies, that taste like cardboard covered in babies diarrhea.

Me “Where’s the money you owe me?”

Him “On the table”

Me “Nope. No money on any table”

After ignoring me, and his girlfriend apologizing on his behalf via Instagram, he proceeded to write me a laundry list of complaints and justifications. He harped about how I was so frugal (facts, he’s not wrong there.) and inconsiderate for not offering to split the cost of the kettle and extra pots and pans he got. ”The water and biscuits is all that I owe you.” Let’s get this straight… Your pots and pans, which I have not once in my life used, is my responsibility to pay for? And were you planning on taking a chainsaw to that kettle so we could share it when you left less than a month after you got it? 

What else was in that list of complaints, was that I would bring guys over. I’m sorry that me getting more ass than you was making you jealous, but you could’ve told me that you didn’t like it. How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me you stupid bitch? (The satisfaction I just got from calling him that is indescribable)

I do however greatly appreciate his closing. “Sincerely yours, Ben” I literally laughed out loud when I read that. I’m pretty sure my neighbors thought I just saw the dankest meme. He tried to hurt my feelings, and then sound intelligent, but he failed to do either.

Did I mention he lied to the landlady saying he had no money to fly home, guilt tripping her into giving him his half of the down deposit, and making it impossible for me to get mine? Anyways, I don’t want him to get coronavirus and die or anything. I still care, kind of. I hope he gets off the couch and does something with his life. I hope his laziness turns to ambition and drive. I hope his selfishness transforms to kindness and consideration. It’s far-fetched but miracles can happen.

What did I get from all of this besides a satisfying blog post? The ultimate acceleration for growth and change. I’ve learned to let go and find acceptance and gratitude in the chaos. It made me realize how strong I’ve become over the years. I’m so excited to have my own space and love the building I will be moving into. I really think that this is the beginning of one of the best chapters of my life! This coming chapter certainly would not have been as good if he was still around. Even if the process to get to a better life feels shitty, everything always works out for the best!