positivity – Brooke Lyn Landon

My Life is a Fucking Shit Show, but I’m Still Happy

I’m not going to beat around the bush. I tell it like it is. My life is a fucking shit show, but I love it.

It only makes sense to start off with some of the reasons why my life is a fucking shit show. My internal clock has been fucked for the past two months. I average about 4 hours of interrupted sleep every night. I can guarantee both of my parents will call me within the next few days about their concerns on the matter. My mom might even book a flight to Vietnam in the hopes she’d miraculously be able to cure my sleeping problems by her mere motherly presence. It’s like Edward Cullen from twilight bit me, and now I never need to sleep to survive. I wish the reason I can’t sleep was because that stud bit me though.

It also looks like I ate my old self from all of the bahn mi and fried rice. I swear, all of the meals here are basically “Would you like some food with that oily, greasy, fattening fried-ness?” I’m going to town anyways, often resembling that Telly Tubby character with a vacuum nose that sucks up food with the intensity and speed of Robert Downey Jr. taking a line back in 1987.

Did I mention I barely drink water? I’m surprised I’m not looking like SpongeBob in the episode where he goes on land and almost dies from drying up. PS I woke up today with tonsillitis and the penicillin makes me feel like a 90 year old cat woman, but instead of cats, I have a sore throat.

Now, let’s get into being in Vietnam. People shoot snot rockets in the middle of the road more nonchalantly than a head nod. The air is as polluted as the mind of my friends psychotic ex boyfriend. Every time you cross the road you feel like you’re in the video game frogger and you are playing the hardest level on your last life.

Believe it or not, I love my life and where I am regardless of those situations. I’m even making changes to create a better life, and to love myself even more. I just signed a lease to have a home base in Vietnam. I’m with friends who I love, and they don’t shoot snot rockets in the road. I started working out again and got a gym membership. Working on the sleep and water, but I think it will change in time. I also started the job of my dreams, although I almost can’t even call it a job. I literally get paid to travel the world and make friends.

All that said, life in general is always a fucking shit show. There will always be shit, but it’s what you make of it. And I’m making me a bomb ass fucking shit show, and it keeps getting better.

How New Year’s Eve Alone Made Me Realize My Wish For You In 2019 And Beyond

photo-1525373612132-b3e820b87cea My friend, who is as unreliable as a soaking wet paper bag, left me to fend for myself NYE. I was only given the news a few hours before we were supposed to meet up… yet again.

I know it’s how she is, and my other friends think I’m nuts for putting up with it, but I secretly don’t mind plans being cancelled. It’s an excuse to hide away in my humble abode like Rapunzel Before she realized it was kind of fucked up that she was stuck in there. It being NYE made it a harder pill to swallow, but I set out to make the best of if. That I did.

I adorned my quaint studio with flowers and candles. I thought about my bright future, and how this is just the beginning of a journey where I know the best has yet to come. When the clock struck 12:00 eastern standard time, (Lord knows if I have it my way I’m going to be asleep before 12:00PM) I was meditating on my bed. When my eyes opened to see if 2019 had come, I was welcomed with a text from my mother wishing me the best for the year to come. 23 minutes later, here I am writing. Doing what I’m passionate about, honing my skills, expressing myself openly and creatively.

The goal in a day like this is often to do something memorable enough to remember the following year. I’m not going to lie, it was a bit of a wish of mine, and hearing my neighbors roar like someone won the most epic game of Jenga doesn’t help. Will this day go down in my history book as one to reminisce? Negative. However, the better question is, will this day be considered one that nourished my soul? That it will.

The more we nourish our souls, the more we will have positive and memorable experiences to put in our history books. Often times the best moments are serendipitous anyways. Plus, the objective is to be in the moment, and content with what is. It’s not about trying to tally instagram worthy events.

This year, I wish for you and myself, peace with what is. I wish us acceptance of every situation handed to us, or thrown in our way. I wish us a love for life, the people we’re surrounded by, and most importantly, a love for ourselves.

The Excellent Choice

Before I get into the nitty gritty of it all, I want to preface that I’m a bit of an Oprah groupie. Not really, but I think she’s the bees knees. Anyways, I was listening to a speech she gave where she told the audience three tips to follow. If you abide by them, you’re basically golden.

The final tip, which may come as no surprise considering the title, was “Always make the excellent choice- Do the right thing.” Now before you say “Duh” and roll your eyes like a conservative talking to a millennial about anything progressive or current, hear me out.

Was it an excellent choice for me to have that entire bottle of prosecco last weekend and say regrettable things?(Knowing very well that I hadn’t had any alcohol for several months prior to that night) Obviously not, if I’m being candid. However, unlike that example, the excellent choice isn’t always clear as day, or as obvious as my drunken shenanigans and hangovers.

The excellent choice may be to lean back and not say anything even though you feel the need to explain or defend yourself. Maybe it’s to not do what everyone else is doing so you can “fit in” or feel good temporarily. Maybe the excellent choice is to sign up for that class or workshop even though it scares you. The excellent choice may be to leave a toxic relationship, even though you still love them…. pexels-photo-236287 The list goes on and on. Keeping that tip in mind has certainly made me think twice in many (though I wish all) situations. Hopefully next time you have a choice to make, this will inspire you to think about if it’s the excellent choice, and perhaps change your plans accordingly.

Going After What You Want Doesn’t Make You Happy

boy-828850_1280 I can Imagine so many internet trolls reading that title and getting their panties in a bunch before they read any further. I can understand why it would be an easy argument to claim that going after what you want will make you happy, but I’ll prove you otherwise.

Was I happy trying to score a man by swiping left and right on dating apps to the point my finger cramped up? (I’m being extra, but you get the point.) No, what it did was leave me feeling disappointed that the young Leonardo Decapprio looking dopplegänger was as stimulating as watching paint dry.

Was I happy going after my ideal body, having an eating disorder, and going to the gym 12-14 times a week? Well, I did love my gym classes, but the answer is still no. I wasn’t happy. I was never good enough, and consistently had significantly more anxiety than a Californian yogi after realizing they accidently ate something with gluten and meat in it.

Was I happy going after money, recognition, acceptance, relationships, or anything else I wanted? The answer is NO. It’s doing what you love, not going after what you want, that brings true happiness.

We often try to go after some ideal of a body, romance, financial status or recognition, rather than making sure we are enjoying the process and journey of connecting with others, and deepening our connection and understanding of ourselves.

Going after money won’t make you happy, following your passions and what brings you joy will.

Going after a lover won’t make you happy, appreciating connections with others and yourself will.

Going after an ideal created by societies standards won’t bring you happiness. Engaging in activities and enjoying things that nourish you will.

Don’t go after what you want, do something you love. Today.