Falling Apart Into Place

My heart felt dense. I was a half naked hot mess, sprawled on my bed like a deformed starfish. I took a deep breath. I was trying to be zen as fuck but feeling just fucked. Not literally fucked, because I would be happy if I was actually getting laid. 

“What now?” I thought.

Have you ever felt like your world was falling apart and into place at the same time? It’s happening to me RIGHT NOW! I’ve lived in Vietnam for nearly two years, and they’re sick of me. My visa fell apart and I have to leave the life I’ve created behind, like now. If I hear one more person ask me to explain what’s going on with the immigration office, I might migrate my head into a wall. Anyways, I digress.

I was backpacking the world indefinitely, on my own, before I landed in Vietnam. I barely ever knew where I’d be sleeping the next night, or what country I’d be in the following month. Life couldn’t have been more unpredictable, but I loved it. I loved it because I was letting life take me on a journey of freedom and fun.

Now that this indefinite journey is leading me to back to my home country, I’m feeling like I need to have it all figured out as soon as I land. Of course, travel taught me to embrace the opposite: I have to let life take me for a ride and be open and willing enough to put one foot in front of the other.

Truth is, this is all happening for me not to me. Truth is, this is an exciting new journey that will no doubt make me evolve beyond anything I could have imagined. It’s not my job to figure it all out. What a relief! It’s my job to enjoy a new journey of freedom and fun. This is what I’ve been asking for. Now I have to line up with it and enjoy the ride.

Life is always going to be a journey, so how are you going to choose to ride it?

Photo taken my last month in California, 2019