motivation – Brooke Lyn Landon

It Doesn’t Matter Where You Are

I’m mid temple tour in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I’m surrounded by some of the most stunning and sacred temples in Northern Thailand, but the only place I want to be is back in Indonesia. I asked myself why I’m not stimulated by such beauty and found some answers shortly after observing my surroundings.

When I look to my left I see an elderly Asian couple from my group. They take an absurd amount of selfies, but who am I to judge. To my right is a squad of Spanish teenagers that look like they all went way too hard the night before. Behind me stands a couple who speak as though they only know how to talk about Voldemort, so they say nothing at all.

If I was with any of the people I befriended in Indonesia, I’d be laughing my ass off right now. Even if I was merely in the vicinity of them, I’d feel joy. So it’s not about where I am, it’s who I’m with.

We are co-creators. Life is meant to be shared. I used to cringe when I heard that saying because it reminded me about how I’m single as a dollar bill over here, but you don’t have to shag to share an incredible bond and experience.

Wait, I know what you’re thinking. What about being alone? Shouldn’t you be happy anywhere so long as you love yourself? Yep, my thoughts exactly. Maybe I still have a ways to go. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been very happy with who I am and being on my own this trip. I went to the night market alone last night and enjoyed my time there.

Could it be that witnessing others sharing experiences has me aware of the power and beauty of co-creation, and the void of not having that now is more apparent? Perhaps the amplification of my independence and freedom scares me. Maybe it saddens me because I’d rather have someone to depend on and be free with.

It could be so many things, but one thing’s for sure. I trust that life will unfold beautifully and this is just a micro ebb in the flow of my travels. I’ve been in Chiang Mai for a little over 24 hours, so I’ve got to cut myself some slack for not having made a connection I’m really pumped about. Time to see what magic life brings me next.

Three Steps to Succeed in Love and Life

photo-1465145177017-c5b156cd4d14 October 18th, 2018

“Step 1: _____
Step 2: _____
Step 3: Win”

That’s what I read as I looked down at the Cards Against Humanity card that I held between my thumb and index finger. I’m going to run with that prompt, and considering my life these days, I’ll write about relationships…or lack thereof.

Step 1: Stop worrying so much about being alone forever. The chances of me being an 80-year-old cat lady with cobwebs between my legs is not as likely as I make it seem…I’m allergic to cats.

Step 2: Enjoy the single life. It’s not all that bad, am I right? Now that I’ve spent the last two minutes trying to think of why it’s not all that bad, I’m realizing I have quite a bit of work to do. Shit, maybe step two should be find what brings you joy and follow that because thinking about single life makes me feel like Amanda Bynes pre-psychiatric treatment. Moral of step 2: Take action to do more of what lights you up.

Step 3: Win

More than six months have past since I wrote about the Cards Against Humanity prompt in October, 2018. A lot has changed since then. For starters, I could recite a laundry list of reasons why the single life is great. I am not saying this because since then I’ve been in a relationship that made me think boys are monsters and still have cooties. The single life is great because I listened to my own advice for once, and I took action to do more of what makes me happy.

These past several months have brought me so much fulfillment that a healthy and loving relationship would be the cherry on top rather than the Ben and Jerry’s itself. Until then, I’ll be living my best life, enjoying my freedom, and exploring possibilities. #Winning.

Are You Actually Worrying Too Much, Or Just Too Soon?

pexels-photo-262075 My mom’s German boyfriend, who I refer to as “The Germ,” told my mother, “You don’t worry too much, you worry too soon.” Props to The Germ for that gem.

Although I wouldn’t entirely agree in my case because I can certainly worry too much as well, I believe that The Germ is right. Heck, I spent all of last week hyperventilating about a “what if” scenario that didn’t even come close to happening.

Imagine if we never worried too soon, or we never worried at all? What if worrying isn’t a natural human response or state of being, but we’ve collectively agreed it’s the norm? Food for thought.

A lot of people don’t think worrying is a big deal, so they wait until it’s unbearable, and something must be done. I’m at the point in life where I feel I’ve suffered enough, and I am ready to do something before a midlife crisis happens. (Though I’m pretty sure I’ve already had about 12 of those.) What can be done to help us chill out?

Acknowledging that we’ve created a habit of worry is a good place to start. Just like any habit, when we’ve done it enough, it becomes second nature. If we start acknowledging worry as a habit, rather than linking the feeling with our identity, we can start to reclaim our power. Our perspective will shift objectively and positively by looking at worry through that lens.

I know it’s annoying as shit to hear someone say all you have is now, you just have to wait and see, or be in the moment when you have a flat tire on Route 101, and you’re worried you’re going to miss your favorite barre class. That said, it’s true. Nothing else exists but now. The past is an illusion from our limited perspective, and the future is nothing but our imagination. When we worry, it is never coming from this moment in time. It’s coming from our programming of what we believe might have or will happen. A habit of thought.

Becoming aware of our worries, and taking those moments to transform our fears into a practice of mindfulness and presence, will help us not worry too soon. We will progress so long as we keep trying. It may Not be easy at times, but no mud, no lotus.

I Don’t Know What the Fuck I’m Doing, and it’s a Masterpiece

photo-1493321384838-70c5a85ba487 Waves of indecision and uncertainty crash over me like an infant playing too close to the ocean. What will happen as I go solo backpacking through Asia? What am I even doing there? Whenever I choose to return, or if I do, where should I set roots? I try to convince myself I know what I’m doing and put my mind at ease. Truth is, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but it’s a masterpiece. Here’s why.

Although I may be mildly hyperventilating on a daily basis, I am now the artist of my life. I’m consciously creating my masterpiece rather than blindly making the same images, and using similar colors, that society or others have projected onto me. I’m using my gut, the true designer of life, rather than my mind, which repeatedly tells me to use the same palette to keep me safe and comfortable.

When I walk into the unknown, I feel the invisible bondage of expectations, assumptions, and familiarity evaporate into nothingness, where the beginning of everything lives. It’s unsettling, unnerving, and exhilarating. It’s living.

We are conditioned to think it’s bad to be uncertain of what the future holds, or to not know what the next step is, because it makes us feel uneasy. There’s this unspoken pressure to “have your shit together” which often goes hand in hand with other’s unrealistic expectations of what they think our lives should look like. The uneasiness and change we think are bad are catalysts for forward movement.

I can’t count the amount of times people have told me, “I could never do what you’re doing.” In fact, I heard it today.

My response was “ I don’t feel like I can either, but if I waited until I did, I would never do it.”

It feels chaotic, but chaos is creation in disguise. Chaos, change, and discomfort are masterpiece that is often only acknowledged as such after the fact. Remember, in times of chaos, there’s creation. It’s life giving you a blank canvas. Are you going to create the same image you’ve always made with that clean slate? Will it be a scene that makes your heart ache or sing? Once you embrace the artist you are, it becomes your choice and responsibility to create your masterpiece.

My mind tells me I’m not ready, I have doubts, I feel fear. With that, I also have a blank canvas. It may get messy, and I’m certainly no Michelangelo, but I know I have the freedom to make a masterpiece designed by none other than me.

The Void of a Vice

photo-1486572788966-cfd3df1f5b42 My therapist told me when I want to emotionally eat, I should journal instead, so here I am. In an ideal world, I’d be double fisting granola on the kitchen island with no consequences or ill intent to mask discomfort. This, however, is my world, where my relationship with food is about as damaged as my friend’s iphone. She nearly needs stitches when she swipes the screen.

It’s interesting to me how we ALL have our vices to deal with during this crazy thing called life, yet some go unnoticed as an escape or way to avoid feelings. Overindulge in food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol, or sex, and it’s “You need help. You have a problem.”

Yet overindulging in television, social media, exercise, shopping, and caffeine, and it’s “You gotta do what you gotta do. It’s the 21st century.”

Sometimes, it’s even considered a form of self-care, when it’s anything but that. More often than not, it’s a way to escape feelings that are dying to be addressed and processed. Instead of becoming aware of our emotions and processing them in healthy ways, people go to processed foods or go through the process of picking the next Instagram-worthy photo.

The first step to avoid our vices is having the awareness that multiple times every day, we are using them to avoid something deeper. If we take a moment to pause each time we impulsively reach for our phone to scroll through Facebook, or call a friend because we’re “bored”, we may be surprised what comes up.

One day I opened the fridge to chow down on some carrots and paused.

“What am I really hungry for?” I asked myself when I took a moment to reflect and acknowledge I was acting impulsively and wasn’t hungry.

I closed the fridge and started to cry. “What the actual fuck?” I thought to myself in disbelief.

I became aware that my boredom and loneliness resulted in needing a vice before my consciousness could acknowledge my emotions. Feelings of abandonment and sadness surged over me. I felt like such a little bitch because essentially I started crying over carrots, but it was so therapeutic and enlightening.

Just because I have a vice does not mean something is wrong with me, and the same goes for you. Awareness gives you an opportunity to reclaim your power that is always available to you but easily forgotten. Be more aware when you act impulsively or reach for your vice. Pause, reflect, acknowledge, and claim your power.

Ultimately, the goal is being okay being alone with yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. It’s being there for yourself like you’d be there for a friend, without a vice. So here I am, claiming my power and being constructive about it. But damn, that granola still looks good.

When Your Well Has Run Dry

pexels-photo-874730 Imagine a bird in the middle of the Masada desert, who can’t fly for shit. No water in sight. The well has run dry. What now?

Sometimes we’re that bird. We get stuck in a rut, and because of fears and insecurities, we stare at an empty well as our mouths turn to sand paper and our words turn to sawdust.

We fixate on the well that has run dry, instead of flying to a new one. We trap ourselves in the constructs of our limiting beliefs, and we don’t even try to fly.

Finally, we get the courage to fly, only to end up at another dry well. “God damnit, climate change.” We blame the outside world because we are blinded by our own patterns of self sabotage.

The reality is, we’re as free as a bird. A bird who knows it can soar beyond the mountains that stand between the dry desert and the crystal water. A bird who trusts in its ability to fly from the nest and into an environment where there’s an innate knowing they will thrive. A bird who sees every well as a beautiful detour rather than a desolate destination.

A well that has run dry is not proof that we’re not good enough, or that we’re out of luck. It’s a sign to move our wings and our point of focus.

Wait

I’m currently waiting for a train to head back to Santa Barbara, sitting on a cement ledge as thin as my patients because some girl is letting her backpack take up the seat next to her. I’m being a little bitch and not asking if I can sit there because it looks like she’s had better days. My butt is numb, the train is delayed, and I almost let this be a negative experience. Why? Because my expectations are not meeting my reality. Because my ass has felt better before. Because I’m not being present. Because I’m letting the outside circumstances dictate my feelings.

Instead I can choose to be productive or introspective, or pace around as I look up at the sky and marvel at the planets ability to give us another day after all the BS we put it through.

What if we made every moment of waiting valuable? What if instead of pulling out a phone, we appreciated the good in our lives, or struck up a conversation with a friendly stranger?

We collectively have agreed that waiting is an unfortunate predicament rather than an unexpected present from the universe. If we looked at waiting as an opportunity for growth rather than an inconvenience, many moments of our lives would be spared. I’m going to make the most of this hour and a half delay. Hopefully the next time you have to wait, you can make the most of it too.

pexels-photo-346768-1

How to Live Your Dream Life

photo-1504194104404-433180773017 What’s your dream? Reads the prompt on the card in my writer’s group. I considered nonchalantly sliding the card back into the deck because it was a pretty loaded question, but I stuck with it, and the results are in.

Find true love, inspire the world through my words and my voice, have a thriving business, healthy body and mind, is that too much to ask? That’s only like 5 things, right? Too bad Santa’s a joke, or maybe I’d see if he could have hooked a sister up with God’s number or something. That dude has connections.

That being said, don’t we all have those connections? The last thing I want to go into is how we all have the answers within, because I nearly gag every time I see someone preach that. However, I kinda sorta maybe know that’s the truth.

“Let Go and Let God” Well either tell me how to fucking do that, or hand me a paper bag to throw up in. I’m being dramatic. It’s important to have dreams, but it’s more important to love what is. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Appreciate the journey. Don’t curse the mountains and roadblocks in your way, but thank them for the experience and extra workout trekking over those godforsaken things. What’s the point of getting a dream, if you’ll just end up miserable that it was so annoying to get there anyways? With a mindset like that, a dream will never fulfill you. It will only intensify the emptiness that you haven’t filled with your own happiness and self love. That happiness and self love only happens in the present moment. It’s not a future dream, but a moment in time. Right here. Right Now.

Now is where your dream life lies. Are you going to live your dream life now by accepting and loving what is, or dream about it coming another day?

Why Network Marketing is Pretty Legit

photo-1539343915366-4da26f7a1f2c “Network marketing? Isn’t that one of those pyramid schemes!?” I picture those words bellowing out of the mouth of a man wearing a wannabe hipster fedora, with a few too many chins, yet I was once thinking the same thing.

Yes, some network marketing companies have a bad rep for a good reason. News flash: People and places have bad reps for a good reason too, like everything else in this world. However, some people, places, and network marketing companies, are pretty freaking awesome. I’m going to go over a few reasons why people should stop getting their panties in a bunch whenever they hear “network marketing”, and why you may actually want to consider looking into it yourself.

1: Community and Support

As humans, we all crave community. We are all looking for support, love, and connection. If you think otherwise, perhaps you’re that guy wearing a wannabe hipster fedora with a lack of discipline. Anyways, some of the most supportive and genuinely caring people I know are/were involved in network marketing. The communities created in this field of work is beyond heartwarming.

I remember someone I knew, who’s skull was thicker than my thighs after the holidays, said “They’re only your friends because they make money when you do.”

“Ummm. False you ignorant twat.” I thought to myself as I bit my lip to prevent those words from escaping the safety of my mind.

Some did, but the majority of them did not. They were just awesomely supportive and loving individuals. To this day, I am still thrilled to know so many lives are being enriched by these loving network marketing communities.

2: Growth

Regardless of whether or not you’re bathing in a claw foot tub full of diamonds and hundred dollar bills from joining a network marketing company, you will grow as a person, and continue to grow. I’ve learned so much and gained a lot of skills that I still use. Not to mention your bank account can grow significantly as well.

3: Cash Money

If you put in the work, you’ll make some serious bank. Key words: Put in the work. If a dude is adding to his collection of chins by watching Dumb and Dumber while eating McDonald’s, he’s not going to be getting any closer to having the type of money to buy an endless supply of new hats and food that didn’t come straight out of a factory farm.

4: Freedom

Woo! Love that word. Freedom to be your own boss, work where you want, make your own hours, and live your life according to you. That’s the life network marketing creates for those who truly pursue that path. I’ve seen it done first hand.

Even if you’re just the consumer, you’re supporting an entrepreneur, rather than mindlessly clicking some random links online, but that’s besides the point.

Now, is this the path for everyone? Absolutely not! There is not one path that suits everyone. However, I would hate to see someone potentially not go down this path due to fear or ignorance, when it could change their lives for the better.

For the record, I would absolutely never recommend that one should join a network marketing company that promotes laxatives or insurance if they’re not into that shit (pun intend) However, if you’re into whatever they’re about, why not take a chance to grow?

We Do This Shit To Ourselves

photo-1527018609937-2ab6154b7197 Have you ever thought someone or something else was the cause of your pain and suffering? If you said no, you’re a supernatural freak and I want your number. If you’re a different kind of freak and said yes, you may be surprised to know that noone or nothing can be blamed for the state of your being other than you.

If you were karate kicked in the face by a grown man wearing Doc Martens, your pain is valid because that probably is going to leave a mark. Much suffering however, is created by your own thoughts, which can only be created by you. Most thoughts are about the past and future, which further proves my point that we often do this shit to ourselves.

For shits and giggles, I’ll give you a personal story as an example. For anonymity, I’ll call the guy I was seeing at the time Joseph Gordon Levitt (I wish). I had been talking to Joseph for months, consistently, every day. My rose colored glasses were on my head more securlely than a seatbelt on a rollercoaster ride. Lord knew, I was about to be on one.

One week, what was once a consistent stream of communication, was a sporadic sprinkle of content. I put myself through hell and back worrying about what I could have done, or what could have happened, to create the change in communication. Next thing you know, my naive inexperienced ass sent him a text out of concern and desperation to get answers and clarity. It wasn’t cringe worthy, but it certainly didn’t deserve an applause. The response and series of events that preceded, resulted in my mom referring to him as the devil because he acted about as mature as the boy in my first grade class who made chronic fart noises with his mouth.

It’s easy to point the finger at Joseph for my sadness because he acted like a douche, but really I did it to myself. My thoughts created the unnecessary worry and insecurity. Those thoughts were the catalyst for an unnecessary text. The text made me come across as needy, and insecure, which is the equivalent of me waving around a giant red flag right in front of Joseph’s face. I chose to let his immature ways make me sad, rather than learning from the situation and thinking “Boy bye. I need me a man. This is the stepping stone to something greater. Onwards and upwards.” It takes two to tango, and we need to own up when we step on someone’s toes.

If you point one finger forward, three are pointed back at you for a reason. You are the actor, director, and editor in the play called your life. To be able to make a 5 star romantic comedy, you have to take accountability for your feelings and the creations in your life. If you want a box office bomb, keep pointing your fingers at other things.