When Your Well Has Run Dry

pexels-photo-874730Imagine a bird in the middle of the Masada desert, who can’t fly for shit. No water in sight. The well has run dry. What now?

Sometimes we’re that bird. We get stuck in a rut, and because of fears and insecurities, we stare at an empty well as our mouths turn to sand paper and our words turn to sawdust. 

We fixate on the well that has run dry, instead of flying to a new one. We trap ourselves in the constructs of our limiting beliefs, and we don’t even try to fly.

Finally, we get the courage to fly, only to end up at another dry well. “God damnit, climate change.” We blame the outside world because we are blinded by our own patterns of self sabotage. 

The reality is, we’re as free as a bird. A bird who knows it can soar beyond the mountains that stand between the dry desert and the crystal water. A bird who trusts in its ability to fly from the nest and into an environment where there’s an innate knowing they will thrive. A bird who sees every well as a beautiful detour rather than a desolate destination.

 A well that has run dry is not proof that we’re not good enough, or that we’re out of luck. It’s a sign to move our wings and our point of focus.   

What You Need to Know if You Want Someone to Like You More

photo-1488116438332-30c57aca5d9dHave you ever wanted someone to like you more? I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been there. It can make us insecure, overthink, worry, and question our self-worth. If we’re not careful, before we know it we’ll be coming across like Helga from Hey Arnold. For those of you who didn’t grow up watching Nickelodeon, trust me when I say you don’t want that. She has a plethora of psychiatric tendencies, a very strong libido, and is as obsessed with Arnold as the Grinch is about destroying Christmas.

I’ve accumulated a few takeaways from experiences such as this. First of all, I’ve come to realize that I would not put nearly as much thought into how they felt about me, or what to say to them, if they were super into me. When I want someone to like me more, it almost becomes a game in which the only way to win is to prove I’m worthy and good enough for them, even at the cost of them not being good for me. We want to knock on the door that’s closed, rather than walk through the dozens of open doors that surround us. Why? The thought of overcoming, persevering, and getting what we want, is a challenge we believe we want and need to take on. This is not Operation, and it’s time to stop playing games. The reality is love doesn’t need to be hard, and it shouldn’t be.

One day, I told my therapist I didn’t know if I still wanted to keep hanging out with a guy I had met two months prior. He wasn’t putting in much effort, and I was looking for someone who would put energy into creating a connection, regardless of the nature of the relationship. Fast forward a few weeks after that session, and I was studying the art of locksmithing. I was trying to get the key to open up the door to his heart that was shut tighter than the space between me and my pair of spanx that’s two sizes too small. I found myself wanting a guy to fall in love with me even though I myself didn’t love him back.

We can’t keep trying to weld a key that will open the door to their heart, using our blood, sweat, and tears, with the hopes we can change it. We deserve someone who is holding the door open, beckoning us in. Maybe one day their door will be open, but we weren’t born to stick around like an Italian-Jewish mother, waiting for her single 30-year-old daughter to have a baby. (I know that’s a total stereotype, but I can’t deny it paints a pretty good picture.) If it’s not easy, put down the welding stick, the icepick, or whatever you’re using to try to break down the barrier.

Moral of the story: Step away from closed doors. That’s not to say pretend they don’t exist. When we take a step back, we have a better perspective of what else is available to us. When we change our gaze and focus, we walk forward in a new direction that will lead us closer to doors that are available for us to explore fully. A door can always open one day, and we will always have the freedom to change any direction we so choose, but the time spent waiting, we’ll never get back.


3 Steps to Take a Leap of Faith

denny-luan-125448There are times in our lives when we take a leap of faith and feel it all.  Fear, anxiety, excitement, uncertainty, indecision, and joy rise simultaneously like the bubbles that cultivate while you’re pouring a glass of champaign. One of those times in my life is now. Taking leaps of faith is nothing new to me. I know these feelings lead to what I want. It’s winning or learning. I’ll take either one over being stagnant and complacent. So, what can we do to help us take that leap of faith?  

1. Trust your internal compass

Before you roll your eyes and think this is just another generic yogi/preachy/airy-fairy post, read on. Using your logic is a great way to get through certain areas of your life. However, when you’re taking a leap of faith, you need to tap into your internal compass, and trust it. Some call it your gut or intuition, but we’re all born with an internal compass that is designed to guide us through life. Trust that you have all you need to guide you to what you want to do. 

I came out to California by myself three years ago. I had no job, no idea where I’d live, and no idea what I’d do. All I had was trust that there was a reason I felt pulled in that direction. I knew as long as I followed that internal compass I called curiosity, I’d find my way. Though the beginning was as smooth as the face of a teenager going through puberty, I eventually found all that I was looking for, and then some.

2. Acknowledge the gremlin 

The “gremlin,” or the “annoying roommate,” is the voice in your head that feeds you excuses, doubt, and excessive anxiety. Some internal voices expressing concerns is valid. That being said, more often than not, it’s the gremlin trying to keep you from doing something that will require you to change and have potential discomfort. Sometimes, the gremlin comes in the form of other people too. They’ll tell you their opinions that stem from their limiting beliefs. When two gremlins get together, it turns into a party where everyone wishes they’d stayed home with their cats with a tub of ice-cream instead. Don’t join their party. Throw a better one. No gremlins allowed.   

My gremlin has many voices, one of which sounds like an old chainsmoker from Long Island who has recently been saying to me: “How the hell you gunna go backpacking through Asia by yourself with a one way ticket? You on crack? You think you got balls or somethin’? You’re not cut out for that. You should buy a cat and some ice-cream, get in your sweatpants, and stay here.”

Other times the voice sounds so much like me that I mistake it for my internal compass. “It’s wise to settle down and get your life together in the States. The longer you wait, the more behind you’ll be. You’ll get anxious that you’re putting your real life on hold. Plus, you could get hurt out there.”

It takes practice to acknowledge and befriend your gremlins. The more you become aware of them, and rise above the fear, the easier it will be for you to put down the ice cream and take action.

3. Take steps 

You don’t have to see what’s at the top of the stairs before you take the first step. Most people do wait, which keeps them on the same step, and unable to move forward to reach the top. You don’t have to fly up the stairs like Quicksilver. Little baby steps will do too, so long as you’re moving. 

Do I know what the hell is going to happen once I get to Asia? Do I see what the outcome will be? Do I know why I hear myself saying “Go!” You know as much as I do. Still, I’m packing my bags, selling my belongings, and putting in my 30-day notice for the apartment that it hurts to leave. I don’t see the top, but I’m taking steps to see what’s there for me.

Solo traveling through foreign countries I’ve never been, without a plan or timeline, has me feeling like a cat being held above a bathtub, by a child. However, I know the less I plan, and the more I let life take me through this journey, the more I’ll expand. We grow more that way because we are forced to use our internal compass for guidance, rather than our logical brain. We step out of our comfort zone, which makes our gremlins have tantrums for an excessive amount of time that we then have to find ways to cope with. We come to realize life unfolds beautifully in retrospect, so when chaos arises, we know it will work out in the end. Taking a leap of faith comes at a cost, but growth is priceless.

This is not to say go all willy-nilly and spend your life savings gambling because your “gut” told you to. If you feel your internal compass guiding you towards something that lights you up, don’t let your gremlin shut the light off. Walk toward it with curiosity, love, and the three tips to take a leap of faith. 

5 Musts Before Going On a Road Trip

photo-1469854523086-cc02fe5d8800Five states, 10 national parks, tons of car singalongs, and a lot of takeaways from the experience that I’m ready to give out. I could probably write a list of tips longer than a CVS receipt, but for time’s sake, I’ll give you five.

1. If you’re going with a travel buddy, have “The Talk”

I’m not talking about the kind of awkward talk you might have had with your parents as a preteen. I mean the travel talk. Set aside some time to go over your preferred way of communication. Talk about what could potentially get you stressed while traveling, and the best way your travel buddy can respond. Express pet peeves, potential triggers, etc.

Not only is it helpful, but it keeps you mindful and makes for a better companion and experience. It may also make you understand why the week prior, you got a mildly furious death glare for eating a bag of peanut butter pretzels. Apparently hearing someone chew can be someone’s biggest pet peeve, and they won’t choose to let you know until you ask them.

2. Budget and round up

Between eating out, spontaneous detours or activities, or staying at nicer hotels than you planned, you can’t be 100% accurate on what you’ll be spending. Therefore, I suggest budgeting beforehand, and rounding up. You think you’ll spend $300 on food during your trip? Round that shit up to $450. That’s not to say you can now blindly buy a  gourmet, gold encrusted, four course meal at a 5-star restaurant every other day. Intend to spend $300, but have that extra cushion to keep you at ease when changes come.

3. Get THE RIGHT gear, and no matter when or where you go, bring a bathing suit.

It’s not about getting the items you want. It’s about getting the appropriate gear. Unbeknownst to me, I brought a summer sleeping  bag on a trip with temperatures that would drop lower than my self-esteem when trying to pitch a tent. It wasn’t until I complained I was cold, and my friend felt my tracing-paper-thin sleeping bag, that I realized how ignorant I was in regards to anything wilderness related. Just because you have what you want, doesn’t mean you’ve got what you need. Also, even if you can’t foresee a single reason you’d need a bathing suit, bring it anyway. Trust me.

4. Have backup food with you

Have some food in your bag just incase. Protein bars are your friends. You never know what will be around, or if you’ll stay somewhere longer than expected. The last thing any human wants to deal with is someone else’s hangry ass. Do yourself and your neighbors a favor. Whether its a bag of nuts, or a bar, so help me god, take it with you.

5. Be open to plans B through Z

Be open to spontaneity. I find that the less that is booked and set in stone during a trip, the more you are able to be open to all sorts of new ideas and opportunities. You meet strangers who rave about a place you haven’t heard of, and because you’re schedule is flexible, you can now experience a part of the world you never would have been able to otherwise. Avoid getting too set on plan A. Let life take you on the journey.

So, ta da! There you have it, five musts. Needless to say, these are only some tips that can help you down the road(trip). Tell me some of your musts in the comments below!

How To Make Him Fall In Love With You (or Find Yourself Trying) in 30 days

pexels-photo-258421November 1, 2018 

Yes, that’s right. I have about 30 days until Hunter will decide where he wants to move. If he falls in love with me by then, the chances of him sticking around are significantly higher. So how can I do this? The answer is be (or at least act like) a high-value woman.

A high-value woman doesn’t chase a man and isn’t needy or attached. She keeps her options open. A high-value woman does not tolerate booty calls and BS. She doesn’t ask “What are we?” She waits for the relationship to bloom naturally. She emulates feminine energy and radiates a love for life and herself.

So far I’ve been playing the game better than a Patriots quarterback, but the game’s not over, so I can’t lose momentum now.

That being said, is this really a game, or am I simply being strategic? Am I trying to control something out of my control? Or can my conscious choice to act and become a high-value woman, change the way the relationship blooms? Perhaps not, but I like to think I can have an influence on the matter. My therapist would tell me otherwise.

The next day…

So the whole trying to make him love me lasted a whopping 12 hours before I realized that plan was about as shitty as the horse stalls I had to clean out at farm camp in 5th grade. Let’s face the facts. He wants to move. To think I can change the course of his destiny based on my wants is pretty crazy. I have to come to terms with the fact that there are some things that are in my control, but more things than I’d like to admit are not in my control. Although you never know, it seems like he’ll be out of here before I can convince him to shave his mustache.

One week later…

Holy shit he shaved his mustache! As he opened his door, I gasped as though I had seen someone put half of a perfectly good vegan breakfast burrito in the compost, without offering it to me first. I stumbled into his house with my hand over my mouth as if I was trying to hide my reaction, but I wasn’t trying to. “Woo!” I said as I used my hand as a fan. “It’s getting hot in here.” We laughed. “That’s a great reaction.” He said with a smile.

I want him to love me, yet I myself don’t love him back. Heck, I don’t even know what love is! Anyways, I just have to go with the flow and enjoy life, but it hasn’t been easy. I now wish he had his mustache again. It would be easier to watch him walk away.

December 14, 2018

Over a month has gone by since my first journal entry about all these shenanigans. Yes, it would be nice to have Hunter stay. Yes, he’s super cute, and I like spending time with him. However, I think being in a serious relationship with him would be like trying to fit into my jeans I bought a few years ago. The idea of wearing them sounds nice, but actually getting them on and walking around would be a bitch and a half. The fantasy is significantly better than the reality of that situation. I value our friendship, but it doesn’t have to be more than that just because I like his face and company.

The moral of this post is that there is no guide for love that will 100% work for everyone because we are all unique and have different needs. Also, don’t be a high-value woman to get a specific man. Be a high-value woman to be the best version of yourself and the right man will come. Lastly, don’t try to make a relationship turn into something it’s not unless you really want to walk around in a pair of pants that make you miserable.


How To Wake Up On The Right Side Of The Bed

pexels-photo-347135Have you ever woken up, and within five minutes of going about your day, you already feel like sucker punching everyone in the face who has the nerve to ask you a question? Just me? Great… Anyways, maybe this’ll help. 

Good morning world what a beautiful view, I’m alive another day and get to spend it with you!

Before I look in the mirror and cause a potential fright, let me take a few breaths and acknowledge what feels alright. 

Don’t pick up the phone and scroll through Facebook. Grab a nice cup of tea and head to the kitchen nook.

Hold the cup in your hands while you conjure love and appreciation. A lot of good will come even if only one minute of  dedication.

Then play something positive that makes you happy. Perhaps affirmations, a podcast or song that’s fun and snappy.

Put on an outfit that makes you feel on cloud nine. There’s no need to worry, you’re looking mighty fine.

Go in front of the mirror and strike a power pose, feel the positive energy run from your head to your toes.

Take these vibes and go on your way. I’ve got a feeling you’ll make this a merry day. 


I’m currently waiting for a train to head back to Santa Barbara, sitting on a cement ledge as thin as my patients because some girl is letting her backpack take up the seat next to her. I’m being a little bitch and not asking if I can sit there because it looks like she’s had better days. My butt is numb, the train is delayed, and I almost let this be a negative experience. Why? Because my expectations are not meeting my reality. Because my ass has felt better before. Because I’m not being present. Because I’m letting the outside circumstances dictate my feelings.  

Instead I can choose to be productive or introspective, or pace around as I look up at the sky and marvel at the planets ability to give us another day after all the BS we put it through. 

What if we made every moment of waiting valuable? What if instead of pulling out a phone, we appreciated the good in our lives, or struck up a conversation with a friendly stranger?

We collectively have agreed that waiting is an unfortunate predicament rather than an unexpected present from the universe. If we looked at waiting as an opportunity for growth rather than an inconvenience, many moments of our lives would be spared. I’m going to make the most of this hour and a half delay. Hopefully the next time you have to wait, you can make the most of it too. 


How to Live Your Dream Life

photo-1504194104404-433180773017What’s your dream? Reads the prompt on the card in my writer’s group. I considered nonchalantly sliding the card back into the deck because it was a pretty loaded question, but I stuck with it, and the results are in.

Find true love, inspire the world through my words and my voice, have a thriving business, healthy body and mind, is that too much to ask? That’s only like 5 things, right? Too bad Santa’s a joke, or maybe I’d see if he could have hooked a sister up with God’s number or something. That dude has connections.

That being said, don’t we all have those connections? The last thing I want to go into is how we all have the answers within, because I nearly gag every time I see someone preach that. However, I kinda sorta maybe know that’s the truth.

“Let Go and Let God” Well either tell me how to fucking do that, or hand me a paper bag to throw up in. I’m being dramatic. It’s important to have dreams, but it’s more important to love what is. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Appreciate the journey. Don’t curse the mountains and roadblocks in your way, but thank them for the experience and extra workout trekking over those godforsaken things. What’s the point of getting a dream, if you’ll just end up miserable that it was so annoying to get there anyways? With a mindset like that, a dream will never fulfill you. It will only intensify the emptiness that you haven’t filled with your own happiness and self love. That happiness and self love only happens in the present moment. It’s not a future dream, but a moment in time. Right here. Right Now.

Now is where your dream life lies. Are you going to live your dream life now by accepting and loving what is, or dream about it coming another day?