growth – Page 3 – Brooke Lyn Landon

What 2019 Has Made Me

As a blogger, how could I pass up the opportunity to do some basic bitch 2019 recap/ new year shit. So, let’s get into it, and forget about the fact that technically there should be at least three sentences per paragraph.

This past year I shed my fair share of tears. I was sick and hospitalized in a developing country alone, and to top it all off, I broke my phone and lost my debit card that same week. (Click this links that follow to read my blogs about what I learned from getting a virus in a developing country etc.) I also went on the bus ride from hell, nearly died, and I’ve relapsed. I had times where I felt insecure, anxious af, and uncertain, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Link: I’m about to have a midlife crisis

Last year I left everyone and everything I knew behind and went to backpack the world with no plans or idea of what would come. That was just the start of discovering who I’ve become since solo traveling the world. I thought differently on how I feel about my body since traveling too, and now I’ll stop with the links, but had to throw that last one in there because it was one of my most popular blog posts in 2019.

In 2019 I surrendered and let the world take me through this journey called life, and proved that I have what it takes to do whatever I want with it. With that came some of the most incredible friendships and connections, countless memories that will last a lifetime, and the best year of my fucking life. From leaps of faith, to trusting myself, listening to my gut, and giving less shits, how the fuck would life not take me to and through magical places and experiences?

No matter what 2020 brings, It’ll be even better than my best year ever because I refuse to be the victim. I refuse to go through hardships without coming out the other end a better person than I was before. 2019 has made me a more powerful creator of my life, and I’ll accept nothing less in 2020. I’m not going to stop being my badass self, so best believe it will only go up from here.

I hope 2020 gives you opportunities to take big risk, and you have the cojones to do it. I hope you have emotional experiences that cause you to reflect and become wiser and stronger. I hope that you see your power and start to harness it more than you ever have. Embrace discomfort. Befriend fear and introduce it to trust. Step into your power and go have your best year yet.

What It’s Like Living In Vietnam

I chose to move to Hanoi, Vietnam, which was an unexpected turn of events. There was a moment of silence after I told my mom the news.

“Didn’t you just tell me that Hanoi was a shit show?” She replied in confusion.

My response was “Umm yes, those were my exact words, but I never said that was a bad thing!”

I guess I like a good shit show. There are an absurd amount of motorbikes and cars in the Old Quarter of Hanoi. I see my life flash before my eyes every time I go out. It feels like a live version of the video game Frogger, when you nearly escape a car, and there are no extra lives left. They beep their horns so much I’m sure they are convinced they need to honk for every person or vehicle they pass. When locals walk by, they shove you aside like they’re Regina George from Mean Girls storming down the halls to get revenge. By the end of the night, the streets look as though a frat house just threw a rager, and sometimes I have to hold my breath walking through the markets.

Yet, it’s so rich in culture, and there is so much beauty. Even though they shove, they don’t realize they’re being a dick head because it’s just their way of getting by. They’re so friendly once you get to know them.

But guess what? I’m living my best life but not for those reasons. I love living here because of the community I’m in, the freedom that I have, and I love what I’m doing with my life.

Someone could be happily living in the bum fuck middle of nowhere. Another person could be in the most advanced, pristine city in the world, feeling like the Scrooge who had one too many drinks the night before and regrettably texted an ex.

After giving it some thought, as much as I love Hanoi, it really wouldn’t matter if I was here or anywhere else in the world. I love my life in Vietnam because I followed my joy and am living a life of freedom, fun, and adventure.

Yes, I could have easily gone back to my home country and convinced myself a 9-5 was the more safe and stable action to take in my late 20’s. However, I chose to work somewhere that fills my cup. Maybe my liver isn’t thrilled when I have to lead drinking games, but my soul is when I’m socializing with people who’s company I enjoy.

Theres a sense of instability for sure. I know there will be a time when I move on and the future seems unclear. That said, I’d rather be happy where I am and have an unclear future in Vietnam, than be miserable and hope one day I’m happy in a place that feels stagnant.

I Am Not On My A Game But Here I Am

Usually, I have a few ideas of what I could write about that would excite me and give value to my readers. Right now is not usually. Right now, I’m jet lagged. Right now I’m tired, hungry, and against my fathers wise words, I still haven’t taken a nap. Yet, I refuse to believe that just because I’m not feeling like the offspring of Robin Williams and Elizabeth Gilbert, I can’t produce something worth putting out into the world.

I was so close to not even trying to write because I’m not on my A Game. I don’t even feel I have any game right now. If the hottest dude in the world came up to me and asked me out, I would have the response of the dude from “The 40 Year Old Virgin” meets Sleepy, Snow White’s dwarf.

I still have fear that this won’t resonate with everyone even though I know damn well I can’t please them all. There is still worry that this post will seem too short. I don’t like admitting that I’m not in the creative flow.

However, here I am, proving to myself that those thoughts in my head telling me I couldn’t do something now worth sharing is only true if I give it power. Here I am still tired as fuck but feeling like a bad ass boss babe for acknowledging my limiting thoughts and pushing through. Here I am, hoping that next time you try to brush something off that you deep down know is best for you to do, you remember this, and you choose not to give your limiting thoughts power.

It’s times like these that you enhance your ability to push through more easily in the future. Of course you won’t try to power through every time you feel like a zombie from The Walking Dead, and that’s fine. As long as you’re not jeopardizing your well being, and aware enough of those limiting thoughts to take action, that you’ll get that much closer to being on your A Game.

3 Steps to Take a Leap of Faith

denny-luan-125448 There are times in our lives when we take a leap of faith and feel it all. Fear, anxiety, excitement, uncertainty, indecision, and joy rise simultaneously like the bubbles that cultivate while you’re pouring a glass of champaign. One of those times in my life is now. Taking leaps of faith is nothing new to me. I know these feelings lead to what I want. It’s winning or learning. I’ll take either one over being stagnant and complacent. So, what can we do to help us take that leap of faith?

1. Trust your internal compass

Before you roll your eyes and think this is just another generic yogi/preachy/airy-fairy post, read on. Using your logic is a great way to get through certain areas of your life. However, when you’re taking a leap of faith, you need to tap into your internal compass, and trust it. Some call it your gut or intuition, but we’re all born with an internal compass that is designed to guide us through life. Trust that you have all you need to guide you to what you want to do.

I came out to California by myself three years ago. I had no job, no idea where I’d live, and no idea what I’d do. All I had was trust that there was a reason I felt pulled in that direction. I knew as long as I followed that internal compass I called curiosity, I’d find my way. Though the beginning was as smooth as the face of a teenager going through puberty, I eventually found all that I was looking for, and then some.

2. Acknowledge the gremlin

The “gremlin,” or the “annoying roommate,” is the voice in your head that feeds you excuses, doubt, and excessive anxiety. Some internal voices expressing concerns is valid. That being said, more often than not, it’s the gremlin trying to keep you from doing something that will require you to change and have potential discomfort. Sometimes, the gremlin comes in the form of other people too. They’ll tell you their opinions that stem from their limiting beliefs. When two gremlins get together, it turns into a party where everyone wishes they’d stayed home with their cats with a tub of ice-cream instead. Don’t join their party. Throw a better one. No gremlins allowed.

My gremlin has many voices, one of which sounds like an old chainsmoker from Long Island who has recently been saying to me: “How the hell you gunna go backpacking through Asia by yourself with a one way ticket? You on crack? You think you got balls or somethin’? You’re not cut out for that. You should buy a cat and some ice-cream, get in your sweatpants, and stay here.”

Other times the voice sounds so much like me that I mistake it for my internal compass. “It’s wise to settle down and get your life together in the States. The longer you wait, the more behind you’ll be. You’ll get anxious that you’re putting your real life on hold. Plus, you could get hurt out there.”

It takes practice to acknowledge and befriend your gremlins. The more you become aware of them, and rise above the fear, the easier it will be for you to put down the ice cream and take action.

3. Take steps

You don’t have to see what’s at the top of the stairs before you take the first step. Most people do wait, which keeps them on the same step, and unable to move forward to reach the top. You don’t have to fly up the stairs like Quicksilver. Little baby steps will do too, so long as you’re moving.

Do I know what the hell is going to happen once I get to Asia? Do I see what the outcome will be? Do I know why I hear myself saying “Go!” You know as much as I do. Still, I’m packing my bags, selling my belongings, and putting in my 30-day notice for the apartment that it hurts to leave. I don’t see the top, but I’m taking steps to see what’s there for me.

Solo traveling through foreign countries I’ve never been, without a plan or timeline, has me feeling like a cat being held above a bathtub, by a child. However, I know the less I plan, and the more I let life take me through this journey, the more I’ll expand. We grow more that way because we are forced to use our internal compass for guidance, rather than our logical brain. We step out of our comfort zone, which makes our gremlins have tantrums for an excessive amount of time that we then have to find ways to cope with. We come to realize life unfolds beautifully in retrospect, so when chaos arises, we know it will work out in the end. Taking a leap of faith comes at a cost, but growth is priceless.

This is not to say go all willy-nilly and spend your life savings gambling because your “gut” told you to. If you feel your internal compass guiding you towards something that lights you up, don’t let your gremlin shut the light off. Walk toward it with curiosity, love, and the three tips to take a leap of faith.