fun – Brooke Lyn Landon

The Devil Wears Lululemon

pexels-photo-206515 Whatever we’re wearing, the devil wears too. There’s a devil out there that’s created by you!

Hold back the tears, and don’t be sad. Being a devil doesn’t have to be bad.

The reason the devil is something you fear, is because you’ve pushed away a part of you that is so dear.

Don’t worry if you are a bit confused, because I still have some more explaining to do.

I will show you an example that will make things clear, and prove that the devil doesn’t have to stay here…

I was feeling as single as a dollar bill, and felt a huge void that I needed to fill.

“Why am I still so down and alone, why can’t I find true love with a hot guy to bone?”

The Devil was at it again in my mind, giving me lots of problems to find.

“Something must be wrong with me, I can’t find a man. what am I doing wrong, I don’t understand!”

I thought once I was loved I would feel complete, and there was something within me I’d first have to defeat.

Once again the devil was back to work, and I was being driven completely berserk!

Nothing is broken or needs to be defeated, when I accept the darkest parts of me, I’ll realize I’ve always been completed.

I was rejecting the part of me that felt unloved and undesired, rather than asking that part of me what it required.

All it was seeking was self acceptance and compassion. Was I listening to some devil just because I liked her fashion?

When you push away a part of you that wants to be accepted, you create a large void and you will feel rejected.

It feels like rejection because that’s what it is. The devil feeds off that shit and comes across as a wiz.

Don’t feed the Devil whether it wears sweats or shoes by Kanye West. Give the true you some love because you deserve the very best.

photo-1583139937873-dddd56279d3d When I was a kid, I was the “problem child”. My parents had my sister and thought “What a wonderful experience. Let’s have another.” Then they had me and said… “So, what’s the return policy?” After I had my Emo phase. I painted my nails black, and wore only black clothes, with zippers everywhere. I’m pretty sure that’s when saying the word cringe became a thing, and I don’t think that was a coincidence. Then, I had my Californian, yogi, vegan stage, and you know I’m not vegan anymore because otherwise that would have been the first thing I said. Lastly, as of November, I entered a new phase. I fucked everybody. It was my hoe phase.

However, today is the day a new phase begins. I had an epiphany while talking about relationships with my friend this evening. In an instant, I was inspired to change my ho-ish tendencies. Not because I thought what I was doing was wrong or no longer enjoyable, but because I’ve had my fun, and I am ready to have fun in new ways. I’ve had so many great experiences, met incredible people, and shared a lot of special, intimate moments over the past several months. I’ve learned a lot, and even made friends for life. Yes, it is true that changing my ways will mean those types of experiences and connections will occur less, but I’ll tell you what benefits I think will come with this change.

By making this shift, I will have the ability to put more energy and focus on my passions and hobbies. The newfound energy that I put towards projects and people, will allow me to experience new opportunities, ideas, and feelings. It will open me up in ways I wouldn’t have been able to before. The “What did he mean by that?” “If I ignore him long enough, will he get the hint?“ “What kind of psychopath tells me not to get attached, and the same night says he’s “Catching feelings”?” “Jesus Christ, another phone call? Is he going to ask me to come over and wipe his ass next?” “I think I’ve been friend zoned…. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen clearing out the fridge with my face.” moments will be much less frequent.

Overall, the good has certainly outweighed the bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if I miss this phase. I’m also concerned doing this could cause feelings of loneliness and have me craving for the kind of attention I’ve been used to getting.

Yet, whether change feels good or bad, it moves us forward. It helps us learn, grow, and create new momentum to help us evolve. Success comes from moving out of comfort zones, regardless of how we feel about it or what happens at first.

I would never want to take back anything that’s happened. The epiphany for change didn’t come about due to a negative experience. I just know it’s time to move on so I can level up and create more for myself. All I can do is move forward with confidence as I begin this new chapter, titled Glow Up Phase. Time to go from hoe to glow.

What’s your next phase?

My Quarantine Fling

97A43137-7FF7-4CD2-9118-1B04ABDC7FC5 Desperate times call for desperate measures. I had been so occupied over the last few weeks, that I hadn’t thought to open a dating app. Fast forward two days into quarantine, and it didn’t take long for that to change. I was on the lookout for another decent human being to talk about this crazy thing called life, and possibly talk about it in person when this whole fiasco was over.

I saw Tinders flame icon light up, and I knew a message was waiting for me to heavily judge. “Heyy! What’s up? Xx”

Not very original, but brownie points for initiating and closing with “Xx” (Foreigners love ending messages like that, and I’m not complaining.) It didn’t hurt that he was good looking and likely had a South African accent based off of my superb detective skills. Okay, maybe the fact that he had an emoji of the South African flag in his bio helped. Overall, I gave him an 7.8 out of 10 on first impressions. The fact that he was 6 years younger did not affect the score.

I replied with a cute animal GIF saying hi, followed by “Living that quarantine life. How about yourself?”

I was being a little extra considering it was only day two of quarantine. Little did he know I was lounging on my couch half naked all day, having the time of my life.

“Me too literally” he said.

By literally, he meant literally. The day he had his flight to come back to Vietnam from Thailand, was the day that every single passenger entering the country had to go straight into a quarantine camp for 14 days. He had 5 more days left until he’d be free.

We talked all day, and by night we moved over to WhatsApp. For those who don’t know, once you move a conversation to WhatsApp, it means this will probably lead to getting laid. But how to meet up during a lockdown? Well, if I’m going to risk not social distancing with someone, you best believe it’s with a guy who’s coming directly from a quarantine camp, to my apartment. So after 5 more days of messaging, that’s what happened.

Once we finally met, he gave me a hug, and I tried to pretend I wasn’t only thinking about how I wished he put hand sanitizer on before he touched me. We had a great time that night, and shared a lot of stories and laughs. The only awkward part was when I forgot I had made plans to FaceTime my dad, and the phone started to ring. He hid outside as I hobbled around to find clothes like Gollum from Lord Of The Rings had one too many drinks the night before.

He went back home the following day. The quarantine camp is not far from me, but where he lives is. I wouldn’t blame him or be surprised if this just stayed a quarantine fling. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together, but I’m not driving 45 minutes to see his ass, so why should I expect the same from him? (He did have a cute ass though.)

Overall, I rate the experience higher than a 7.8. I must say that from living in isolation for the past week, I had forgotten how great face to face human interaction would be during a time like this. It was just what the doctor ordered. In actuality, quite the contrary, but that’s what it felt like. Now back to my regular quarantine life of embroidery and half assed workouts.

Being Single and Happy to Mingle

9E56A23E-C4A6-4867-93FC-2ADDAE0033C8 I’m going to be honest. I was that bitch that would say to myself “I’m an independent woman!” Yet, deep down, I was screaming “Somebody love me!” I bet I was oozing desperation without even realizing it. Probably like a hybrid of someone from Love Island and a chick from The Bachelor who’s biological clock was ticking.

I considered myself to be a confident person, but the fact that I wasn’t able to find that love people talk about in fairy tales would sometimes keep me up at night. I would wonder how someone could be so fucking awesome, and make so many great connections with guys, but still nothing would reach my expectations.

Only recently have I genuinely been at peace with never having found that love I so desperately was searching for. I’m beyond content with the connections I’m making, without having a desire turn my dates into interviews, to see if they have what it takes to wife me up. I’m living my best life, and used to think the only way that could happen is if that special someone was there to share my life with me. To be honest, it’s kind of nice to be able to meet up with a guy for 12-24 hours, and then send them away. It’s like looking after someone’s dog for the day, loving every minute of it, knowing you don’t have to pick up their shit at 6AM the next morning.

After some introspection, I’ve discovered some possible reasons as to why I’ve had some shifts in my perspective in regards to being single. The more I validate and acknowledge my worth, the less validation I need from others. I’m a lovable person, and just because I haven’t found that special someone to love me doesn’t make me less lovable or worthy of love. The older I get, the less shits I give about absolutely everything. Don’t like me? Tragic on your end. You don’t know a good thing when you see it. I’m more authentic when I communicate with people and I’m not as concerned about rejection or what they’ll think of me.

I’m also exploring my sensuality more than ever, and giving a safe space for others to do the same. 92.7% of the dudes I’m meeting, I genuinely connect with, and like spending time together. We have a fucking blast. Literally and figuratively. Sorry, I couldn’t resist that joke.

It’s like another part of my mind has opened up to see that there is a way to create a life of happiness with the same environment and relationship status that once didn’t satisfy me. When you see the good, more good keeps coming.

I’m no longer looking for love because I am love. Sure, I’d love to be in a relationship, but it will find me when the time is right. As for now, I need to get ready for a date with a hot Italian guy. Until next time.

Why You Shouldn’t Tell Someone Who Uses Dating Apps To Meet People Organically Instead

I couldn’t even count the amount of times I’ve heard people talk shit about dating apps, or try to tell someone why they should meet people “organically” instead. I’m no saint, I’ve called Tinder trash multiple times. Still, I’d never tell someone not to take a chance and try it, nor should you.

I went to 10 National Parks during an epic road trip with a guy I met through Bumble. Obviously that trip wasn’t on our first meet up, but if it was, you’d have my permission to heavily judge my sanity. I connected with another person from that app while in Japan, and we’ve talked almost every day for the past several months. I’m starting a business with someone else I met on Tinder. No joke. I’m also currently looking forward to a new date I have tomorrow because he’s been playing his cards right. We even transitioned from the dating app over to WhatsApp, which for those who don’t know, that means shits about to get real. Not to mention my best friend met her boyfriend of 5 years from a dating app.

Now, I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and butterflies. I’ve been utterly underwhelmed. I have spent many hours having small talk that lead to no meetups and would have preferred hearing nails against a chalkboard over wasting my time entertaining them. I’ve also been borderline cat fished considering his pictures were not at all a representation of what he looked like. If he didn’t tell me what he was wearing and waved when he saw me, I would have just assumed he was a random, unfortunate, and unattractive human. Damn, that’s harsh, but I would have kept that to myself if I didn’t feel deceived, so that’s my excuse for sounding like a heartless bitch.

Regardless, they’ve all taught me something. It doesn’t matter if it turns into a meaningful friendship, a romantic relationship, or brief encounter. They’ve all made me more clear of the kind of man I’m looking for, and the woman I have to be to match that.

Yes, meeting people organically is great, but why not open up our options to new and exciting experiences? There are plenty of fish in the sea, so why not put more fishing nets in there? There’s nothing to lose if it’s either a good time, or lessons learned. Not to mention, those nets will reach places a fishing rod can’t, which is to say there are some people who you wouldn’t meet otherwise. Maybe one does yoga, but the other goes to a boxing studio, and they have no mutual friends, etc. Dating apps might not seem “organic” but in the world we’re living in, what really is anymore?

I’ve heard plenty of comments made about my usage of dating apps.

“You’re going on another date?!”

Yes Susan, while you’re watching The Notebook alone for the one thousandth time, sobbing into your giant carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, I’ll be having a new experience. Ideally free food or drinks too. If you don’t want to use an app or don’t have the time, do you boo, but don’t go around shaming people for having the courage to put themselves out there.

I’m here to tell you that you deserve to make connections to help you grow and have fun. I’m not saying a dating app is the only way for that to happen, but it is one way. That one way shouldn’t make you feel shameful or less than in any way. If anything, I feel like a badass boss babe for showing up and making moves to have new adventures and connections.

If someone wants to use a dating app, let them do their thing without your two cents saying another way is the “right way”. If you’ve been wanting to use one but need that extra nudge to get the ball rolling, take this as a sign and enjoy the ride! The journey that is… not the kind of ride often associated with Tinder meetups. I’ll shut up now.

I’m Such a Fucking Hoe, I Love it

Let me get straight into it. I’m such a fucking hoe, I love it. Now, I’m saying that partly because it’s based off of a song, and it’s a banger after a couple drinks. I’m also saying that because it’s kind of true.

Let me clarify. I’m not hooking up with a new boy toy every day. I still have standards. Plus, I’m not about to chase people down. I’m not desperate. That said, if the opportunity arises, yolo!

Yeah, I’d like a relationship, but I’m not going to sit here twiddling my thumbs with cobwebs between my legs waiting until it happens. I’m going to live my best life, and see what’s out there in the meantime.

I feel like this topic is so taboo. Exploring your sensuality has been made out to seem like you’re the next Charlie Sheen. Really, it’s a way to grow and learn more about yourself when done for the sake of exploration and enjoyment, and not just for a release or to fill a void.

It’s not always enjoyable. Last month, bless his heart, I was with a guy who was as vanilla as vanilla extract. Another time, someone talked a big game. Then, it was so underwhelming, the game he talked about ended up being more like elementary school baseball.

However, I’ve also been pleasantly surprised. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I’ve learned more about what I’d like in a future partner, and shared great memories. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of those guys is reading this now.

Side note: Though there’s no shame in being hoeish, I still feel the need to clarify that I’m not quite as hoeish as I’m making myself out to be right now. I think “free spirited” and “open minded” is a more accurate description. However, I’m such a fucking hoe, I love it, has a ring to it, and it’s not wrong. Anyways, let’s get back to it.

Regardless of whether you walk away with a glow and pep in your step, or an eye roll and a shrug, you’re always learning more about what you want and what you don’t want. Not just sexually, but also what you want in a person, partner, and yourself. Don’t be afraid to explore your sensuality. If you’re not into that, and want to wait for your future partner, that’s cool too. If you want to be a fucking hoe, I love it.

PS BE SAFE!

Is it Destiny or a Total Mindfuck

I’m sure you’ve heard of the words destiny and freewill, yes? Well, is it just me, or is that a total mindfuck? Is my life destined to pan out a certain way? Can I fuck around however I want, and because I wasn’t a total dick in a past life, things will be Gucci? Or, is it my freewill that creates my fate? I’m about to get deep, with a side of sarcasm and sailors tongue, as I try to uncover this conundrum.

Before I get into my thoughts on the matter, I want to preface with the fact that I take everything I believe with a grain of salt. Who am I to say that out of 7 billion people on this planet, all of my beliefs are better or more accurate than everybody else’s? Do I still think I’m right? Naturally. Am I open to being wrong? No. Haha just kidding. Obviously I am.

Now that that’s out of the way, I believe life is like the Google Maps GPS. There are a few destinations that are important to make for our evaluation on earth, but if we choose to go down a path that wasn’t suggested, the system, or our inner compass, will reroute. Then, maybe you’ll see the recalibrated path and roll your eyes while clenching your fists like the Arthur meme. Or, perhaps if you looked at it through a more conscious lens, you’ll see the growth and beauty in the journey. Who knows, maybe your freewill could give you a lottery win or a sugar daddy. That also could just be my wishful thinking talking right now.

Have you ever felt like Google Maps took you the most shit way to your destination? I’m pretty sure I’ve sworn to never use it again several times. Well, life kinda does that to you too. Freewill contributes to the way you interpret these scenarios. You can choose to be a little bitch about it (No judgment here, I’ve been that bitch) or you can learn from it while simultaneously acknowledging and accepting your feelings.

Now, was it destiny that my friend Elise met Kavin on our night out in Hanoi, Vietnam? Well, at first it looked like it would be more of a shit show than anything. He seemed like a nice guy, but after all of the other guys swooning over her, I didn’t think she’d go for the one hammered out of his mind, constantly raving about Ed Sheeran. I remember it like it was a month ago. Oh wait, that’s because it was. Now he stayed in Vietnam for her and they fucking live together. Oddly enough, I don’t think it was a coincidence. They’ve met and their lives will forever be different. For fucks sake, the dude moved to Vietnam, so of course it will be. Maybe he recalibrated the GPS using his freewill, but their paths were destined to cross at this time. Why, I’m still not sure, but I love it.

What should you believe? It doesn’t fucking matter. What matters is if you make a choice, you listen to your gut and follow your joy. What matters is that the places life takes you, whether you call it destiny, or a mindfuck, embrace it and take the lessons they bring.

I’m not sure if the mystery of this mindfuck called life was solved, but opening topics like this up for discussion is important and thought provoking. At the end of the day, idgaf. I had fun and hopefully you enjoyed reading it too.

There Are Plenty Of Fish In The Sea But How Do I Find Mine?

Between living in a hostel, going out, and dating apps, there are no shortage of fish for me to meet in the sea I’m swimming in. Yet, all of these years and experiences has only kept me saying “Just keep swimming” like Dory from Finding Nemo. Only at least Dory wouldn’t remember boring dates or unmet unrealistic expectations.

I’m not one of those thirsty girls trying to get wifed up and start a family… Although dual citizenship sounds pretty nice. I’m just ready for love, and want to be with someone who’s down to be goofy, and spend time with me long term-ish. Is that too much to ask?

I find myself asking how I’ll ever find my fish when I’ve done all I can think of on my part. I go out on dates, meet countless new people a week, and put myself out there on the daily. Still, 9 out of 10 times it’s fun, yet as I walk away I internally hear Ariana Grande’s song “Thank You, Next” play in my head.

That’s not to say I’m not enjoying the single life. I think it’s healthy to like where you are, but still want more for yourself. So, the question remains. How do I find my fish?

The answer is I’ll never find it. It will find me. I know that sounds just about as cliché as a basic bitch wall hanging that says “Live, Laugh, Love” but it’s true. There’s a natural unfolding that takes place when you replace searching with being.

I’d be lying if I said my life didn’t occasionally turn into a game of where’s Waldo, and by Waldo I mean my future man. It’s not always easy when you want something and it’s not showing up. Yet, I have confidence that the best has yet to come for me and my love life. In the meantime, I’ll keep living it up, and appreciate the single life. When the time is right, my fish will appear, so long as I just keep swimming.

Does Size Matter?

Initially reading the title of this post, I’m certain a lot of curiosity arose. I’m sure at least a few people considered searching through their emojis to find the eggplant to accompany the comment with their thoughts on the matter. Sure, I could be referring to a dick, a pant size, or an eggplant, but that’s not all.

Well, does size matter? My answer is yes and no. For everything in existence, there is someone on this planet who will think it matters, and others who will not. Something matters to everyone, but it only matters how it matters to you and what you do about it.

Anyone else’s assumptions on what matters could change. When you embrace your size or opinion, and the beauty you have to offer, you have the power to shift the perspectives of others. Also, your mood can drastically change from Squidward to SpongeBob based off of what you realize truly matters to you.

Some days I feel so bloated I imagine others perceive me as that chick Violet from Willy Wonka when she chews the gum, and blows up like a gigantic blueberry. I feel like any moment I’ll have Oompa Loompa‘s rushing towards me to roll me away. I can’t imagine on those days people are actually looking at me like I’m a sumo wrestler, but my energy certainly isn’t offering a milkshake that’ll bring all the boys to my yard.

Other days, I wake up having the confidence of Beyoncé and give less fucks than Kanye West. I could look the same as I did the day I felt like Violet, but my mindset shifted my reality. If I’m beaming, walking like a hot piece of ass, people will be drawn to that energy in a positive way. What matters is how you feel and how you present yourself to the world.

When I asked if size mattered I said yes and no, but I’ve actually change my mind. It absofuckinglutely does not matter. Size doesn’t matter. Feelings matter. Focus on lifting your spirits. Then, wether it’s the size of your pants, bra, dick, or eggplant, it will be something to appreciate.

What It’s Like Living In Vietnam

I chose to move to Hanoi, Vietnam, which was an unexpected turn of events. There was a moment of silence after I told my mom the news.

“Didn’t you just tell me that Hanoi was a shit show?” She replied in confusion.

My response was “Umm yes, those were my exact words, but I never said that was a bad thing!”

I guess I like a good shit show. There are an absurd amount of motorbikes and cars in the Old Quarter of Hanoi. I see my life flash before my eyes every time I go out. It feels like a live version of the video game Frogger, when you nearly escape a car, and there are no extra lives left. They beep their horns so much I’m sure they are convinced they need to honk for every person or vehicle they pass. When locals walk by, they shove you aside like they’re Regina George from Mean Girls storming down the halls to get revenge. By the end of the night, the streets look as though a frat house just threw a rager, and sometimes I have to hold my breath walking through the markets.

Yet, it’s so rich in culture, and there is so much beauty. Even though they shove, they don’t realize they’re being a dick head because it’s just their way of getting by. They’re so friendly once you get to know them.

But guess what? I’m living my best life but not for those reasons. I love living here because of the community I’m in, the freedom that I have, and I love what I’m doing with my life.

Someone could be happily living in the bum fuck middle of nowhere. Another person could be in the most advanced, pristine city in the world, feeling like the Scrooge who had one too many drinks the night before and regrettably texted an ex.

After giving it some thought, as much as I love Hanoi, it really wouldn’t matter if I was here or anywhere else in the world. I love my life in Vietnam because I followed my joy and am living a life of freedom, fun, and adventure.

Yes, I could have easily gone back to my home country and convinced myself a 9-5 was the more safe and stable action to take in my late 20’s. However, I chose to work somewhere that fills my cup. Maybe my liver isn’t thrilled when I have to lead drinking games, but my soul is when I’m socializing with people who’s company I enjoy.

Theres a sense of instability for sure. I know there will be a time when I move on and the future seems unclear. That said, I’d rather be happy where I am and have an unclear future in Vietnam, than be miserable and hope one day I’m happy in a place that feels stagnant.

Tag: fun