Friends – Brooke Lyn Landon

Dear James

BC4D3798-4E67-4935-B757-8A304FF057F7 Here I am, crying in a classroom closet while my students eat snack. Meanwhile, doing all I can to not snack myself into a coma to cope with the pain of knowing you’re gone. What about your plans to see me in Vietnam and travel more of the world together? What about your goals you talked to me about last week? 10 days ago to be exact. Not to be a creeper or anything, but I did just look back at our message history. Sorry, I swear I genuinely forgot to respond to your last message. The guilt is eating away at me. I know you’re not mad at me for that though, and I’m not mad at you for leaving too soon either.

How could I be mad at you? You’ve brought so much joy into my life. I have never met anyone else who I had such fluid, fun, banter with. We’ve shared so many unforgettable adventures. It sucks that we won’t make more together or reminisce about them on the phone again. Who’s going to make fun of me all the time now? Actually, I’m sure other people will, but never like you. No one was like you.

I am mad though. I’m mad I forgot to respond. I’m mad I didn’t check in more. I’m mad that such a good person had only a short time to spread their light. I am mad that your Go Pro camera is loaded with photos and videos of us that I’ll never be able to see and cherish.

So many people cherished you, James. Your energy lit up the room, even if you were passed out on a bean bag chair in the corner after a long day of travels. Some of the most fond memories that I’ve ever had in my life were with you by my side. I think you knew that, but I wish I told you.

Now I’ll never figure out the spaghetti song we made up when we were drunk in Hoi An. I was counting on you to remind me and make me laugh like you always do… or did. Fuck James, this just doesn’t seem real or right.

Do you remember watching the lightning in Sapa? That was a magical night. Remember that time we almost died in Ninh Binh? We talked about it last month, so of course you do. That is, if you can hear me now… What about the first day we met? I would lose my debit card a million times if I knew it would result in me needing to beg strangers for money and miraculously meet someone as incredible as you again.

I can get on with people pretty easily, but you took me by surprise. It was like I knew you my whole life. You’re like a brother to me. Forever my soul family.

You’re too good of a dude to go so soon.

Rest in paradise James Maguire 21.11.1996 – 15.7.2020

To The Guy Who Called Me A C#nt

photo-1581864353095-ec9ced350147 Everyone at some point has been in a situation that was perceived as hurtful, disrespectful, or aggravating. However, the experiences that seem terrible to others, could be an opportunity to give you one more reason to smile. At least that’s what happened to me.

I had just arrived at my friend’s house for game/movie night and pizza. Shortly after, I received a message from a guy who I will refer to as “irrelevant”. He asked me what I was up to and I told him my plans, to which he said.

“When are the games over?”

“When I feel like going to bed. Haha” I replied.

If that wasn’t enough of a hint that I didn’t plan to meet up with him that night, I don’t know what is, but things escalated quickly from there. He sent me a voice memo about how he’s been “going through some shit” in his personal life lately, and wanted to take out his frustrations on me… sexually. Then, he proceeded to tell me what that would entail.

I had no problem with him saying any of that. If anything, his words made me blush and smile, while simultaneously giving me a mild panic attack that someone may have overheard. It’s what came after I told him that he wouldn’t be seeing me later, that had my friends gagging.

Read for yourself… 96B90F3B-B32D-4976-8A2F-BBCB3970DC7D

I have no intentions on speaking to him again, even though he reached out to apologize the following day. However, my initial reaction after reading his texts, was a grin from ear to ear. Why? Because first of all, who says that? It’s pretty hilarious how stupid he is. More importantly, I’m at a point in life where I so strongly know my worth, that not even for a second did his words make me feel that I was missing out in any way, or was inferior to him or anyone else. The pizza alone will probably give me more of an orgasm than he ever could, so there was 100% nothing lost on my end.

I can’t even fathom what this would have done to me back in college. I probably would have responded to his apology faster than my heart raced when I thought someone overheard irrelevant saying what he wanted to do to me. I imagine receiving those texts back then would have negatively impacted what turned out to be an incredible night.

That situation was validation that my self worth, though not perfect, is stronger and higher than it’s ever been. The way I handled everything showed me that I no longer feed into people or situations that don’t add enough value to my life. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on how far I’ve come. Experiences that can easily be perceived as negative, tend to be the ones that will shed more light on the positive if you know where to put your focus.

So, to the guy who called me a cunt… Looks like you’ll have to go fuck yourself now.

When Tinder Meets Serendipity

I was on my way to Bites and Veggies. I wasn’t nervous, but I was curious about the outcome of our date as I heard the heels of my boots hit the pavement. When I saw him, I was relieved that he looked better in person, and he wasn’t an 80 year old cat lady trying to catfish me. My initial thoughts after our first minute together was “Alright, he seems chill, so this should be fine.”

Sometimes, people will come into your life just when you need them most. Sometimes what you think will be a dick appointment will turn into a friendship that will last for years to come. Or, you’ll meet someone who will have the perfect words to say to you during a difficult time of your life. Sometimes, it happens from the most unlikely circumstances. Sometimes, it’s Tinder.

I was swiping through Tinder, which I barely use because I think Tinder is trash compared to Bumble, but that’s besides the point. Something caught my eye. It was Gary V, an entrepreneur and idol of mine. So, I paused to see who’s profile it was. I figured if he’s in a picture with Gary, he can’t be all that bad. I swiped right, and it was a match.

He didn’t seem particularly funny or my type. However, something made me curious about him, even though he sent unsolicited dick pics way too soon. Maybe it was his entrepreneurial spirit, or his spirituality. Regardless, I felt like taking a chance against my friends will.

He wanted to come straight to my apartment to drop his bag off, but first I had to make sure I didn’t get serial killer vibes. So instead, we agreed to get lunch. From our brief online interaction, he was confident, and at least normal enough to have a decent conversation. Yet, I still new better than to be totally sure about that.

I never thought three days after we met, we’d be lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, talking about how we can’t believe our tinder meetup turned into a deep and meaningful friendship. Within the few weeks he’s been traveling through Vietnam, we each went through some really challenging times in both of our personal lives. It truly feels like the universe orchestrated this encounter to give us the support and bond we needed. Not only to help us, but reward us as well.

From heartbreaks to perceived failures, we opened up about everything. We showed our vulnerability and authenticity. I talked about my insecurities and he gave me strength and solutions. He shared his hardships and I gave him support and comfort.

This is not a situation where I picture him putting a ring on it and a white picket fence in our future. He’s family now… and no, I’m not into incest. Although If I’m being totally honest, if I had a couple drinks in me, he wouldn’t look like family for long.

People come into our lives for a reason whether we see it or not. Sometimes it’s more obvious and meaningful than others. The more we are aware of this, and open ourselves up to different possibilities and connections, the more we can receive and learn from each other.

Currently, he’s visiting one last time before he heads back home to the other side of the world. Some things are meant to be short and sweet, but this won’t be a goodbye. It’s a see you later.

Getting Roasted on the Daily

I’m thoroughly enjoying my time living in Vietnam. I love what I’m doing, the freedom I have, and the community around me. Still, I’m getting roasted on the daily.

You come across a countless array of personalities and characteristics while living in a hostel. I meet some people who’s words are as smooth as gravel. A few times, I would rather have eaten gravel than endure the pain of listening to them try to entertain an obviously unamused audience. Most of the time however, I’m meeting people that I enjoy getting to know, and am fascinated by their ways of life and stories. Not only is everyone uniquely different, but every culture and country from around the world has different forms of bonding, humor, insults, cursing, and so on. Often times, the joke someone said about you that you want to vent in your journal about later, is actually a sign of friendship, or a form of endearment.

A few people roast me harder than the abs of Cristiano Renaldo. Sometimes I live for it, and sometimes I live for the moment they stop talking. It doesn’t help that I’m rooming with a guy as ruthless as Loki, the trickster God. Though if you ask me, he’s more like a devil. (I’m mildly joking, Brady)

What I have found interesting is my responses. With some people, I fire back words faster than a pro frat boy shotgunning a beer. I’m witty, funny, and always ready to come back with more. With others, it’s as though my ability to form any structured sentence vanishes into an abyss. Maybe my responses from person to person varies because every relationship or group has a different dynamic. Or, perhaps it’s my level of comfortability, although I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been uncomfortable per se.

Regardless, it’s all fucking hilarious. If you can’t laugh at yourself, how the hell you gunna laugh about something else? That last sentence was suppose to be an imitation of Rupauls “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gunna love somebody else.” but if you didn’t know that, my reference may have gotten lost in translation.

Anyways, it’s all in good fun. I think it’s important to toughen up your skin while lifting up your spirit. That’s regardless of whether I’m able to come back with a vengeance, or stand there like the criminals in Scooby Doo once they’ve been caught. It could look like they’re out to get me, or I could see they’re taking a piss and it’s funny af. I choose the latter, and will continue to thoroughly enjoy my time in Vietnam.