Dating – Brooke Lyn Landon

From a Dating App to Apnea

In retrospect, you begin to notice the breadcrumbs you’ve followed to get you to where you are today. Sometimes, it’s more obvious than others. Sometimes, it’s life changing. Sometimes, it starts with a right swipe, and sometimes it’s all of the above.

For those who don’t know, I’ve been having severe sleep issues for the past year. I’m talking an average of three to four hours of sleep a night and I don’t even have a cool night out or event to make up for it. Just me, living like Edward Cullen, but instead of my life being a romantic drama, it’s a comedy freak show.

I work four jobs, have lots of passion projects, and a big social life. My friends don’t understand how I’m still alive, and I’ll be honest, I don’t know either. With barely having enough time to take a piss, I’ve added dating to the mix because go big or go home, right?

I believe I was on the back of a motorbike on my way to work when I came across the dating profile of a Vietnamese American backpacker who got stuck in Vietnam due to the pandemic. 91 counties traveled, nice smile, and didn’t come across as a serial killer, so I swiped right. As a former backpacker, I’ve always appreciated the kind gestures of others, so figured I’d return the favor by letting him stay with me a few nights on his way South.

I told him about my sleeping issues. He actually seemed to care more about my sleep than me. He would make me turn off the lights and go to bed at 10, got me a box of chamomile tea, and literally spent over 30 minutes one night telling me a boring bedtime story to try to help me fall asleep.

It was appreciated, but ultimately didn’t fix much. After he left, he would continue to ask me how I slept every day. He encouraged me to see a doctor to get to the bottom of my sleeping issues. It’s never something I would have done on my own at that time, but he inspired me to take action by making me face the severity of my situation.

I remember the moment it hit me. Curious about my condition, he continued to ask me questions and I continued to make light of it. That is, until he sent me a voice memo saying “You know this is taking years off of your life you can never get back, right? You need to sleep.” Like no shit I need to sleep, but I was so in denial about it being such an issue until I heard those words.

Lo and behold, my nose doesn’t work correctly, my throat doesn’t close properly, and quite frankly, how I’ve managed to function thus far is questionable. This past week has been one doctor visit after the next, but I am so much closer to getting the sleep that will change my life forever. Sometimes, if you follow the breadcrumbs life gives you, you’ll be lead to the right person, in the right place, at the right time, to hear the right thing. I now care way less that he was really messy and sent my OCD through the roof. It was worth the right swipe.

Heartbroken on Valentine’s Day

A738E547-0B17-4FA0-AA4E-618120D68F01 Okay, maybe heartbroken is a little extreme. I certainly wasn’t heartbroken on Valentine’s Day. However, that day my heart did plummet to the bottom of my stomach. So much so that when it dropped, it came with an explosion of suppressed wounds and triggers that I certainly wasn’t expecting. All of that took place the moment I heard the sound of my friend say several words.

I met my friend through a dating app in the summer of 2018. You can probably guess where this is heading…It turned into a beautiful friendship along with one of the most unnecessarily complex “situationships” I’ve been in. When he moved the country, I moved on like Hugh Hefner. Still, we remained good friends and I did not look at him as more than that.

Look, I’d be the first one to admit a committed relationship would never work between us. He was and still is one of my closest friends, but we are polar opposites in every sense of the word. If we starting dating seriously, it would be like Kim Kardashian and that basketball player that lasted a whopping 3 months before they filed for divorce. Not compatible romantically long term. Anyways, you get the point, so let me get back to mine.

The moment I saw his face on my phone however, I thought “Damn, he’s hot.” but snapped out of it to catch up on life. Then, he said what I knew would only be a matter of time before I heard. “I started dating someone.”

I kept a smile on my face while I felt my heart ache. The hardest part was that I never expected I’d feel that way about him anymore. I didn’t think such news from him would eradicate every trace of dopamine in my brain. I thought I had moved on. Maybe I did to a certain extent, but my body mind and soul were sure to let me know I still had old wounds to face and heal.

Everything he said after that just amplified my pain. We got on the topic of sex which was a recipe for disaster. He talked about how he’s having some of the best sex of his life with her because she got him to do what I had been wanting him to do the whole time we were together. So, it seems like he decided to wait until he left to go from Mr. Vanilla to Christian Grey.

I’d like to think the reason after I hung up and felt like absolute shit had a lot to do with having only accumulated five hours of sleep over the last several nights. I want to believe it was PMS or mercury in retrograde or any other excuse in the book. That said, regardless of whether it’s one of those things or not, those feelings were in me. These thoughts and feelings that came up through the experience needed to be addressed in order to move forward and become stronger and more understanding of where I am and what I need.

It all boiled down to the limiting belief that we all have in one aspect of our lives or another. “I’m not good enough.“ It was that underlying unworthiness that came from him never having asked me to be his girlfriend. It was that subconscious doubt I’d never find the one for me. It was a mix of so many things that were just waiting for the right moment to bubble up into my consciousness so I could reflect and hopefully heal some old limiting beliefs. If only there was a way I could have programmed that episode on a day other than Valentine’s Day.

Am I now some love guru that has healed and doesn’t overthink when a guy doesn’t text her back within 24 hours? Absofuckinglutely not. However, although I can’t eloquently articulate why, I do somehow feel better having processed those feelings that came up as a result of talking to him. I’ve come to learn that the situations we initially feel some resentment for, are the ones that deserve our gratitude and attention most.

Being Single and Happy to Mingle

9E56A23E-C4A6-4867-93FC-2ADDAE0033C8 I’m going to be honest. I was that bitch that would say to myself “I’m an independent woman!” Yet, deep down, I was screaming “Somebody love me!” I bet I was oozing desperation without even realizing it. Probably like a hybrid of someone from Love Island and a chick from The Bachelor who’s biological clock was ticking.

I considered myself to be a confident person, but the fact that I wasn’t able to find that love people talk about in fairy tales would sometimes keep me up at night. I would wonder how someone could be so fucking awesome, and make so many great connections with guys, but still nothing would reach my expectations.

Only recently have I genuinely been at peace with never having found that love I so desperately was searching for. I’m beyond content with the connections I’m making, without having a desire turn my dates into interviews, to see if they have what it takes to wife me up. I’m living my best life, and used to think the only way that could happen is if that special someone was there to share my life with me. To be honest, it’s kind of nice to be able to meet up with a guy for 12-24 hours, and then send them away. It’s like looking after someone’s dog for the day, loving every minute of it, knowing you don’t have to pick up their shit at 6AM the next morning.

After some introspection, I’ve discovered some possible reasons as to why I’ve had some shifts in my perspective in regards to being single. The more I validate and acknowledge my worth, the less validation I need from others. I’m a lovable person, and just because I haven’t found that special someone to love me doesn’t make me less lovable or worthy of love. The older I get, the less shits I give about absolutely everything. Don’t like me? Tragic on your end. You don’t know a good thing when you see it. I’m more authentic when I communicate with people and I’m not as concerned about rejection or what they’ll think of me.

I’m also exploring my sensuality more than ever, and giving a safe space for others to do the same. 92.7% of the dudes I’m meeting, I genuinely connect with, and like spending time together. We have a fucking blast. Literally and figuratively. Sorry, I couldn’t resist that joke.

It’s like another part of my mind has opened up to see that there is a way to create a life of happiness with the same environment and relationship status that once didn’t satisfy me. When you see the good, more good keeps coming.

I’m no longer looking for love because I am love. Sure, I’d love to be in a relationship, but it will find me when the time is right. As for now, I need to get ready for a date with a hot Italian guy. Until next time.

Why You Shouldn’t Tell Someone Who Uses Dating Apps To Meet People Organically Instead

I couldn’t even count the amount of times I’ve heard people talk shit about dating apps, or try to tell someone why they should meet people “organically” instead. I’m no saint, I’ve called Tinder trash multiple times. Still, I’d never tell someone not to take a chance and try it, nor should you.

I went to 10 National Parks during an epic road trip with a guy I met through Bumble. Obviously that trip wasn’t on our first meet up, but if it was, you’d have my permission to heavily judge my sanity. I connected with another person from that app while in Japan, and we’ve talked almost every day for the past several months. I’m starting a business with someone else I met on Tinder. No joke. I’m also currently looking forward to a new date I have tomorrow because he’s been playing his cards right. We even transitioned from the dating app over to WhatsApp, which for those who don’t know, that means shits about to get real. Not to mention my best friend met her boyfriend of 5 years from a dating app.

Now, I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and butterflies. I’ve been utterly underwhelmed. I have spent many hours having small talk that lead to no meetups and would have preferred hearing nails against a chalkboard over wasting my time entertaining them. I’ve also been borderline cat fished considering his pictures were not at all a representation of what he looked like. If he didn’t tell me what he was wearing and waved when he saw me, I would have just assumed he was a random, unfortunate, and unattractive human. Damn, that’s harsh, but I would have kept that to myself if I didn’t feel deceived, so that’s my excuse for sounding like a heartless bitch.

Regardless, they’ve all taught me something. It doesn’t matter if it turns into a meaningful friendship, a romantic relationship, or brief encounter. They’ve all made me more clear of the kind of man I’m looking for, and the woman I have to be to match that.

Yes, meeting people organically is great, but why not open up our options to new and exciting experiences? There are plenty of fish in the sea, so why not put more fishing nets in there? There’s nothing to lose if it’s either a good time, or lessons learned. Not to mention, those nets will reach places a fishing rod can’t, which is to say there are some people who you wouldn’t meet otherwise. Maybe one does yoga, but the other goes to a boxing studio, and they have no mutual friends, etc. Dating apps might not seem “organic” but in the world we’re living in, what really is anymore?

I’ve heard plenty of comments made about my usage of dating apps.

“You’re going on another date?!”

Yes Susan, while you’re watching The Notebook alone for the one thousandth time, sobbing into your giant carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, I’ll be having a new experience. Ideally free food or drinks too. If you don’t want to use an app or don’t have the time, do you boo, but don’t go around shaming people for having the courage to put themselves out there.

I’m here to tell you that you deserve to make connections to help you grow and have fun. I’m not saying a dating app is the only way for that to happen, but it is one way. That one way shouldn’t make you feel shameful or less than in any way. If anything, I feel like a badass boss babe for showing up and making moves to have new adventures and connections.

If someone wants to use a dating app, let them do their thing without your two cents saying another way is the “right way”. If you’ve been wanting to use one but need that extra nudge to get the ball rolling, take this as a sign and enjoy the ride! The journey that is… not the kind of ride often associated with Tinder meetups. I’ll shut up now.

When Tinder Meets Serendipity

I was on my way to Bites and Veggies. I wasn’t nervous, but I was curious about the outcome of our date as I heard the heels of my boots hit the pavement. When I saw him, I was relieved that he looked better in person, and he wasn’t an 80 year old cat lady trying to catfish me. My initial thoughts after our first minute together was “Alright, he seems chill, so this should be fine.”

Sometimes, people will come into your life just when you need them most. Sometimes what you think will be a dick appointment will turn into a friendship that will last for years to come. Or, you’ll meet someone who will have the perfect words to say to you during a difficult time of your life. Sometimes, it happens from the most unlikely circumstances. Sometimes, it’s Tinder.

I was swiping through Tinder, which I barely use because I think Tinder is trash compared to Bumble, but that’s besides the point. Something caught my eye. It was Gary V, an entrepreneur and idol of mine. So, I paused to see who’s profile it was. I figured if he’s in a picture with Gary, he can’t be all that bad. I swiped right, and it was a match.

He didn’t seem particularly funny or my type. However, something made me curious about him, even though he sent unsolicited dick pics way too soon. Maybe it was his entrepreneurial spirit, or his spirituality. Regardless, I felt like taking a chance against my friends will.

He wanted to come straight to my apartment to drop his bag off, but first I had to make sure I didn’t get serial killer vibes. So instead, we agreed to get lunch. From our brief online interaction, he was confident, and at least normal enough to have a decent conversation. Yet, I still new better than to be totally sure about that.

I never thought three days after we met, we’d be lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, talking about how we can’t believe our tinder meetup turned into a deep and meaningful friendship. Within the few weeks he’s been traveling through Vietnam, we each went through some really challenging times in both of our personal lives. It truly feels like the universe orchestrated this encounter to give us the support and bond we needed. Not only to help us, but reward us as well.

From heartbreaks to perceived failures, we opened up about everything. We showed our vulnerability and authenticity. I talked about my insecurities and he gave me strength and solutions. He shared his hardships and I gave him support and comfort.

This is not a situation where I picture him putting a ring on it and a white picket fence in our future. He’s family now… and no, I’m not into incest. Although If I’m being totally honest, if I had a couple drinks in me, he wouldn’t look like family for long.

People come into our lives for a reason whether we see it or not. Sometimes it’s more obvious and meaningful than others. The more we are aware of this, and open ourselves up to different possibilities and connections, the more we can receive and learn from each other.

Currently, he’s visiting one last time before he heads back home to the other side of the world. Some things are meant to be short and sweet, but this won’t be a goodbye. It’s a see you later.

What to Expect When Using a Dating App While Traveling

I’ve been traveling over the past six months, and being the talker that I am, I’m almost never alone. At hostels, I’m constantly meeting people and enjoying the company of others. That said, every once in a while, when I’m new to a place or staying with a friend who’s at work all day, I’ve turned to a dating app.

Through this process, I’ve discovered a lot of differences from country to country, had great memories, and met wonderful people. I’ve also messaged others who can hold a conversation as well as my friend held her liquor last night, (I held her hair back, don’t worry) and was given unsolicited dick pics.

When I was in Vietnam, I felt like matching with most of the options I was given could be considered borderline pedophilea. So many young boys on their gap year, or living it up for the holidays. I wasn’t mad at it, I always like a good baby face. It also makes sense they’re there considering SE Asia is dirt cheap and many of them probably knew student loans were right around the corner.

In Japan, the men on the app were older. And by older I mean closer to my age, and more established. Generally speaking, I had more of an interest in meeting up with them even if they didn’t have a baby face.

Regardless of what the guys are like or where you are, you have to be willing to put in the effort even with the knowledge that you may never meet up. Sometimes they leave the country before getting together or plans change and life takes you in a different direction. Other times you want to meet them because you like their face but realize what’s behind the face is as basic as my old neighbor who drinks Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes in the fall, and wears Uggs in the winter, even while living in California. Also, it could very well be that they’re just on the app for validation or entertainment.

What to expect is that the array of people and your amount of matches changes based on location. The experiences you have, great or not as great, will probably be better and more memorable than sitting alone in your hotel room refreshing your Facebook newsfeed for the 1,000th time. The downside is weeding through the people who’s messages are as stimulating as watching paint dry, and the occasional unsolicited dick pic.

I’ve connected with all types of life. I met up with people from Pakistan and Israel, to Scandinavia, the UK, Canada, and different parts of the US. Wow, sounding like a serial dater over here. I like to look at it as a serial adventurer and opportunist.

Do I think by doing this I’ll find me a man who will put a ring on it? No, although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my eye out for dual citizenship. I’m doing it because I love connecting with people, and to be frank, I almost always have a great time.

This is just my experience with a dating app that I was using, but maybe you’d find different results through your personal experience. If you’ve ever thought about giving it a go, I’d encourage you to do so. Listen to your gut, keep your wits about you, and go make some great memories and connections.