I’m in Limbo

Every store in The Old Quarter is shut down. The usually chaotic and loud streets of Hanoi, are now filled with an eerie silence, with the occasional sounds of a puttering engine from a motorbike passing by. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think an apocalypse was about to take place.

It’s Tet, the Lunar New Year. That means, for 10 days, Vietnam will be as lively as the dude who works behind the bar I go to, who has a permanent resting bitch face, and moves at the pace of my friend before her morning coffee. This means I have 10 days with nowhere to go, no place to workout, and 10 days without my favorite vegan chickpea sandwich.

Right now, I have as much stability as a girl in heels standing on one leg, trying to take off a pair on Spanx, blindfolded. You’re welcome for the imagery I just created in your mind. I’m in between jobs, and have not a single obligation. I have no idea what is to come after Tet. As for now, it’s a waiting game.

Normally, this would be the devils playground. My twisted mind typically lives for these moments of uncertainty and instability. Then it can fuck with me, and sit back and relax as it enjoys the shit show called my anxiety ridden life. Not this time, motherfucker.

I’m not sure what has changed. I know what triggers me and how I tend to handle certain situations, but now things are different. I have more faith. Not only faith that the world has my back, but that I also have my back.

I’m genuinely enjoying this time of nothingness, indulging in more snacks than I want to admit, and being a hoe because there’s nowhere to go, nothing to do, and I have a dating App. I’m not worried about what will happen because I’m here in the moment, and I know everything will work out. I’m excited about what’s to come if anything.

What. The. Fuck. You don’t understand how weird it is that I have nothing to do, no future plans, all of this uncertainty, and I’m chillin’ like a villain. I do however feel a bit lame for actually writing chillin’ like a villain. Like, who says that these days? This chilled out bitch, that’s who.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so okay not knowing what’s going to happen. It’s because the more I go through life, the more I trust the unfolding of it. When I experience hardships, I grow and learn. When I succeed, I have gratitude. There’s never a moment in life where I’m not moving forward. I may feel like I’m in limbo during Tet, but my mindset shows me that I’m still moving up.