I Will Never Try Again

I remember constantly feeling like the chick in that viral meme, looking confused, with complex calculations on a blackboard behind her. I was always trying to figure out what I should do and what steps to take next. On the outside I’m sure I held it relatively together, but inside I was shabby chic without the chic.

When I started solo backpacking the world, I set out with absolutely no timeline or itinerary. Even the thought of trying to plan out all the logistics had me more stressed than Jim Carey in Liar Liar. So, I just showed up everyday to see where the world wanted to take me.

I stopped trying and started being. My being didn’t always know what I was doing, or even where I’d sleep the next night, but life always worked itself out. Heck, I ended up staying in a strangers empty apartment so I could have a free place to stay in Japan. It made for a great adventure and story, but I am now realizing I’m causing my mom some serious emotional distress because she likely has just read about this questionable life choice I made. But hey, I’ve made it this far without really trying, so I must be doing something right.

From the start of my travels, life has taken me to places I never in a million thought I’d be. I never could have planned or tried to make it happen myself. Opportunities presented themselves to me effortlessly. I used my gut instead of my logic and now I’m getting paid to travel the world. Like breadcrumbs leading to a gingerbread house, I’ve followed the path life made for me instead of trying to make a path, and then starving because I had no bread to eat. I’ve made better metaphors, but you get the point.  

I’ll never try to get to a gingerbread house though. Why? Because as cliche as this sounds, it’s about the journey, not the destination. That’s because life is one big never ending journey. When you try to find the gingerbread house through forced effort, that evil bitch of a witch that lives in the gingerbread house will stop you in your tracks, and point you in a different direction.

Now don’t get me wrong, some things you certainly need to try to do. Like to get good grades, you need to try, and you need to use your logic. I tried and used my logic to cheat as often as possible, but I made it to the high honor roll every semester, so no regrets. Nonetheless, I had to try to find the way to beat the system. As for Josh Rosenberg, the only person who was always ahead of me on the honor roll, he actually tried through hard work to get those grades. What this post is about isn’t that kind of trying though.

I guess what I’m talking about is getting into the flow of life and trusting it. It comes down to using your gut instead of logic. It’s being instead of trying. It’s allowing instead of forcing.

I’m sure I’ll try again at some point. As much as I don’t want to, it’s only natural to have some challenges that throw you off your game, and make you feel like you need to control your life. That said, I will never try again so long as I can help it.