We made our way from Dolores Park to Haight Street, where I found myself surrounded by tie dye everything, bongs, crystals and stores specifically marketed for those who religiously go to Burning Man. Considering the copious amounts of substances digested and snorted by Adam the past 24 hours, and the grateful dead tunes I heard nearly the whole ride to San Fransisco, I knew why he chose to take me there. We walked past the entrance way to a shop and he paused. I stopped too. He leaned back to look in and said “Let’s go here. This place has good vibes”
A blend of sensational incenses flooded my senses as I marveled at the thousands of crystals in the large space that I was now encapsulated in. I felt right at home as I eyed a table displaying blueberries and pretzels that were offered to me right away.
“Do you want to go in the meditation room?” I asked Adam as I peaked in what looked like a giant blanket fort built for the gods.
“No, I don’t want to take my shoes off.”
Needless to say, shoes were not allowed, so I slipped my sandals off and headed towards the altars splayed across the back wall of the badass zen fort.
I admired all of the displays of crystals, statues of Hindu Gods, flowers, and offerings. I placed a penny on a Buddha Statue because I felt compelled to contribute, but am too cheap to give paper or anything silver. I took a seat on one of the colorful cushions and sat up nice and tall.
“I am ready” I declared.
“I don’t care what I have to go through, or what pain I have to endure to learn whatever I need in order to move forward. I am ready.”
“You know what is best for me. I want to transform and be the person I intended to be.”
“I open myself up, I surrender, I am here.”
I felt an energetic shift in my body and a tingling sensation in my shoulders. Immediately I noticed my mind say “Am I making this up? Did I really just feel something? I must be mistaken.” I became the observer of my thoughts and noticed the shenanigans I was trying to come up with. “Lets just go with it and be done with this internal dialogue.” I thought as I ducked out of the pimped out blanket fort.
“Adam, I swear something happened to me in there” I said as we made our way out of the store. From his response, he didn’t seem as convinced or intrigued as I was. It didn’t matter though. Something happened.
It was then that I started to notice this incessant voice in my head, like a record softly playing in the background, but loud enough to capture my attention. However the voice did not sound like Whitney Houston or Ariana Grande. This was more like the parrot from Aladdin that woke up on the wrong side of the bed and had a bad trip the night before. This obnoxious, judgmental, critical, worrisome voice, had become so persistent and consistent over the years, that I had mistaken it as a part of me. Though I’ve caught that voice in my head here and there before, it was from that moment in the meditation room, that it became the soundtrack of my life, rather than my life itself for the weeks to follow….And so the evolution of my spiritual journey continues…